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Personal Development

A flippant comment I made to a friend the other day got me thinking. With porn easier to get than ever before, has this always been the case for me?

I had a good, hard think about this subject matter and, after I had recovered, realised that this kind of thing starts very early. Before any sort of sexual awakening I found that the most fascinating and enlightening book in my parents' bookshelf was the dictionary. Blackadder had it so right (series 2 episode 2 for the geeks out there).

The main purpose of the dictionary would be to look up dirty words. I remember it well.

Erection

Breast

Penis

Vagina

Scrotum

Stiffy (it wasn't there but we still looked)

It was all harmless fun and they are all funny words but the intention was clearly TITilation.

This all occurred around the time of our initial development classes in primary school. We went through a period of videos from the seventies detailing what was about to happen to our bodies and how we shouldn't be scared because its all very natural. As natural as it supposedly was they still had to illustrate it by drawings. You will never see a penis/vagina less natural and more "perfect" than when its drawn in pencil. The overriding memory of these films is that of girls using hand mirrors in a way that I'd never thought of before and that there are certain times when they can't go swimming.

So, a couple of years pass. My first moment of "personal time" is unspectacular, memorable mainly by the wet dream that preceeded it and the many wet dreams that followed it (some in uncomfortable circumstances).

First two porn films I saw? Flesh Gordon (yes, it is exactly what you think it is. It's fun 'cos the spaceship is shaped like a penis) and some video I assume was ordered from the back of a certain Sunday newspaper. First porn mags I found? I won't name the brother but I found a goldmine hidden in a briefcase in an drawer under his bed. I remember all of these as they were yesterday.

So at this point I'm embarrassed by my own fervent needs. I get embarrassed by any mention of sex, masturbation, porn etc. (even though I had to sit through the Buddha of Suburbia with my parents in the room). So what happened? People talked about it. I talked about it. I knew it was ok.

We move on to the subject of older brothers. In many ways I'm lucky that I had older brothers because as a quite introverted child I would never have actually gone out to seek proper porn. If it weren't for the stashes in the Divan beds and wardrobes of my bros I may be a normal person!

So. We move on, we have relationships, they develop. To the outside world the loss of my virginity is truly unspectacular (although one of the most amazing nights of my life) but it suddenly puts a very different perspective on porn. Please note that at this point I did not really have the internet. My idea of sex had come from magazine images.

Porn became a true force in society when the internet grabbed the masses. Gone were the days of finding mags in a park bush. Gone were the days of restrictions. Gone were the days of satisfaction when you raided your brother's room. Got the gear, had a wank, and returned it all before he got back.

It was better to earn it.

A tale of woe...

Tiredness is one thing. Fatigue is another. The feelings caused by genuine insomnia is another world completely.

So, lets break up this tension with some nonsense...

True story. When I was 18/19 my mate and I used to work in a nightclub. This rendered our Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights as non free time. So we used to go out on pub crawls most Sundays. All good. Pubs were nice and quiet, we could chat and guarantee our time at a darts board or pool table. All good.

One Sunday close to xmas (and I remember it well) we decided, probably in an ironic sense, that we would go and see SpiceWorld: The Movie. Great. A couple of pints, a trip to Bath and a good ole heckle of a shit film.

Well. What happened was that we got to the train station and realised we'd just missed our train. No problem - we had plenty of time and could easily get the next. We decided (the begin of our downfall) that we would get a cheeky drink in then catch the next train.

First mistake. We overran our estimated drinking time (and this was back in  the day that we could both drink quickly) and, eventually, couldn't be arsed to go to Bath. Certainly not if the intended goal was SpiceWorld the effing Movie.

Anyhoo, much of the next few hours escapes me (for some reason) but I believe we ended up in The Crown during the Superbowl (I may be conflating this with another piss-up).

On our journey home we happened upon a local garden centre. Call it Hi-jinx, call it frivolity, call it theft (as the police suggested) but we found ourselves having very childish fun at the expense of said garden centre. I'm talking army rolls, shouting and generally being dicks.

We realised that we may not have been completely in the right when we saw annoyed neighbours who were clearly about to call the police. And so they did.

As inebriated as we were we had the presence of mind to understand our predicament. We ran. We ran and we ran and we ran. In hindsight it was about 200m.

We found ourselves in Trowbridge cricket ground hiding between the conifers. Hyped up and full of, well, beer. We stayed there and stayed there and stayed there. For so very long.

As it turns out it wasn't that long. The second we left the cricket ground we got picked up.

Spent the night in the cells banging on pipes as if we knew morse code. We were told to shut up or we'd be "moved to Swindon".

Anyhoo, no charges brought, walked out about 9ish in the morning. The most annoying part of the whole affair is that if we'd stayed in the cells for another hour we'd have got a full English breakfast.

Moral of the story? If you're gonna do something bad make it just bad enough to ensure you get breakfast. Or go to Wetherspoons.

Another year? Another sigh (a good sigh).

I'm another year older and suppose I should do a summary of my year.

Out of deference to Charlie Brooker's series' titles (Screenwipe, Gameswipe, Weeklywipe and Newswipe) I will call this:

Arsewipe.

This year has been the most up and down of all my years. I've hit the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Those that know me well will understand what I mean when I say low. Within the year I have both lost faith in people and regained that faith. In sum, I have consistently posted here and that has been a huge factor in my "rehabilitation".

So, relationships. Due to my physical follies of last and this year I have a bit more self-confidence. I've had a girlfriend who I fell for and who subsequently shut me down. Still don't get it but, then again, don't really think about it.

Continuing the physical nonsense I am signed up for a marathon in about a month. If I'm still posting on the 2nd of November then I'm still alive!!! Looking forward to it. Not the event but I really enjoy the training.

Within my last year I have taken my bro as a lodger. Further from that I've taken in a new, awesome bloke, Milo, He has taught me well in the ways of Zen!

In sum, ultimately I think I am happier and more content with life than I ever have been. I may not have fulfilled my dreams but I have worked out my place in the world.

Scottish Independence: The aftermath

Due to a sore throat and incessant coughing I was prevented in getting meaningful sleep on Scotland's Independence Day. Maybe it was the coughing and maybe it was the chills going through my spine due to the promises made to Scotland by the UK government about further powers. Powers above and beyond those of England, Wales or N.I.

It seems to me in my probably ignorant/naive view that a, a country should have its right to determine its own destiny. b, a country should have the right to govern its people, set policy, distribute finances etc in the way it sees fit without control or coercion from another. c, a union of nations, such as the UK can be a wonderful thing. d, If the countries in that union do not have equality of power then it will only serve as a divisive wedge between them.

What sent a chill to my spine was in the hours after the referendum's results' certainty when I saw Nigel Farage's smug, punchable face making full mileage out of the poorly thought out plea-bargain made by Cameron et al. He knew that the British public would not be happy about the government giving out further powers without so much as a by-your-leave.

Farage is a dick. But he does seem to be a fantastic salesman. He finds out what the biggest problem his customer has and exploits it until he has got his vote. It doesn't matter that what he is actually selling is a massive shite sandwich made up of insular islander mentality laced with, at best, healthy jingoism/xenophobia and, at worst, massive racism.

Cameron et al need to get on this because the next election is next year and I see a massive shock on the cards. And this would be worse than either result from the Scottish referendum.

Me. Trial by computer.

Just for a bit of fun I've signed up for a free local dating website. Y'know get back on the horse. The one I've used has also used heuristic software to sum you up. This is what it said (BTW I answered all of the questions absolutely truthfully). It is frighteningly accurate:

Aaron848 Relationship Chemistry Test Results

Self-Confidence

As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.

The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.

Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.

Family Orientation

As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.

You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.

What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.

Self-Control

The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.

As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.

Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.

Openness

As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.

Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.

Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.

Easygoingness

Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.

High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.

How does your personality affect your love life?

With the strong degree of self-confidence that you possess, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.

Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life.

Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family.

As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.

Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.

Interdependence

Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a "couple identity" with your partner.

Your answer pattens suggest that you tend not to become overly dependent on a romantic partner. People scoring like you are comfortable being singled out for praise and rewards, and their personal identity and independence from others is important to them. Therefore, it seems you need a reasonable level of independence in a relationship. This does not mean that you do not desire to be close with a partner. Indeed, when you feel close to someone, this person often becomes an important part of who you are on the inside and you probably like showing off your “couplehood” in public. However, you do not necessarily need to be constantly “joined at the hip” in order to feel connected and secure in a relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner but who also respects and copes well with the fact that you benefit from a reasonable level of physical and psychological space at times.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:

“Are you the type of person who feels lonely easily? Please explain and share some past experiences of how you coped well or did not cope well”

"When it comes to the time a couple spends together, is quality more important than quantity in your opinion?"

“When you’ve been away from a partner for any length of time, how have you filled that time and found personal fulfillment?”

Intimacy

Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner.

You are clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person, and you tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from your past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing your partner returns your feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering yourself to a partner. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between you and your partner. Likewise, you probably regard a partner as your best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you may find yourself wondering whether your partner’s feelings are equally as strong as yours. Still, people in this scoring range are willing to take the risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels. Bottom line: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:

“Have you tended to avoid arguments with past partners or is it more like you to talk about all types of the feelings and concerns you have?”

“Do you think couples should always be open and honest with each other, or are there things that it is okay to hold back?”

“Can you talk and share on an intimate level as well as you listen to a friend in need?”

Self-efficacy

Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation.

People like you are characterized by a strong self-esteem, sense of self and sense of accomplishment. Those who know you best would likely describe you as influential, patient and accepting of others – and calm, cool and collected most of the time. You are content with your personal qualities and feel you are an attractive person. Moreover, you probably have a good sense of control over the events in your life and are decisive in managing your life. In this sense, you likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do. Rather, people in your scoring range are quite adaptable and are able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations. Additionally, you are also very influential and persuasive with others. Therefore, it is expected that family, friends and acquaintances often come to you for ideas of guidance across a range of issues. You are confident that people who are important in your life understand you, but you also tend to be comfortable not giving in to peer, family and other social pressures. Family is indeed important to you, but their expectations do not strongly influence your life. Instead, people who score like you tend to have their own well-defined ambitions and goals – and may even set specific benchmarks to monitor the progress made toward achievements. Bottom line: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:

“To what extent do you need a job or hobbies that allow you to express your energy and creativity?”

“Do you like solving the challenges that work and home life throw at you? Why or Why not? “

“What are some of the best ways to turn around a ‘bad day’?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

I find it pointless to continue working on things that are too difficult for me. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are easily frustrated, that you are overly self critical and impatient or that you have little motivation to learn new things or tackle new challenges. On the positive side, it could mean that you are realistic about your limitations, you value time and do not want to waste it or that you seek out alternative solutions to problems.

Relationship readiness

Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship.

You seem to have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing to find a committed relationship. In fact, most people in this scoring range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They have the ability to connect with others, they have well defined ideas about where their life is headed and they are assertive and resourceful in meeting their goals. Therefore, you likely feel in control and are able to take charge and go after what you want in life and in a relationship. Your housekeeping is also probably in check – meaning that you do not have any negative baggage that can weigh down a relationship, like financial or legal problems or emotional, health or family issues. As such, you do not seem to be seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Rather, it seems to be that you are striving for a balance in your life and that now includes wanting to offer everything you can to a partner. Bottom line: you need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:

“Tell me in what ways you are a happy and successful single”

“Are you truly happy with the way you have lived your life? Explain”

Are there any ways in which you feel your life is not balanced?”

Communication

Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence.

Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to fit this description. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You are usually extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient, open and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are constantly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, and you can take the initiative and be assertive when needed. However, a defining characteristic of people in this range is that they do not rush to judgment. Rather, they pay attention, listen without jumping to conclusions and then reflect on information before responding. In a sentence, you seek both to understand others and for others to understand you.Bottom line: you need someone who is eager to give, collect and discuss information with you patiently versus communicate with you on superficial levels out of convenience.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:

“Does the success of a committed relationship take priority over any other aspect of your life?”

“Do those closest to you think that you are an easy person to get to know? Explain”

“If you are sure you are right about something, do you waste time listening to other people’s arguments or viewpoints?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Under-value

I always pay attention to people’s body language when talking to them. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are not in tune with a person’s body language, that you tend to be self absorbed or that you lack empathy. On the positive side, it could mean that you do not jump to conclusions or that you do not like to focus on negatives but instead seek out positives.

Conflict resolution

Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills.

Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are generally strong across all of these basic elements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome that is best for the relationship. In fact, a defining characteristic of people in this scoring range is the capacity to relinquish their control and pride for the greater good and growth of the relationship. Bottom line: you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:

“In your past relationships, have you felt responsible for your partner’s well being? Explain”

“Is it the case that you can not be happy unless you place your partner’s happiness before your own?”

“What sort of things or situations would you not endure for the sake of your partner or relationship?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Under-value

In conflict my reactions are based on how I think the other party perceives me. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are self absorbed or egotistical, that you have poor emotional intelligence or that you jump to conclusions. On the positive side, it could mean that you value individuality and independence or that you try not to posture for people.

Sexuality

Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy.

Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:

“How important to you is preparation for sex? – and under what situations?”

“In your mind, is there any difference between ‘having sex’ and ‘making love’?”

“Do your sexual fantasies tend to involve romantic scenes and anticipation or do they trend to being more about spontaneity and unbridled passion?”

Attitudes toward love

Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love.

There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic with a touch of realist.” This means that you do value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for you a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. In this sense, you desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. It is common for people in this range to view their partner as a soul mate – a person who you were destined to meet and fall in love with. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize your partner constantly. Seeing a partner and relationship while only wearing rose-colored glasses can prevent you from identifying and addressing problem areas in the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in you but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:

“In choosing a partner, do you believe it is best to love someone with a similar background? Explain”

“If you truly love another person, is that enough to marry or otherwise have a committed relationship with that person?”

“How do you feel about the notion that ‘common interests are really unimportant; as long two people are truly in love, they will adjust’?”

Food for Thought! PlentyofFish wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.

Issues you seem to Over-value

I find it easy to ignore my partner’s faults. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you do not know well your comfort level and limits, that you compromise on your values or that you view your partner in overly optimistic terms. On the positive side, it could mean that you are not overly critical, that you focus on positives instead of negatives, that you do not put up boundaries or that you are sensitive to your partner’s feelings.

A couple does not need a passionate sex life to be happy. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you have emotional baggage from past relationships, that you have low self esteem or that you are unclear about your sexual needs. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a realistic view of current life events and circumstances, that you are not preoccupied with sex or that you appreciate other, more intimate levels of connection with a partner.

Preferred Expressions of Affection

Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion.

There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to the gift of Time. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection and show you are a priority by spending time with you – such as simply talking and cuddling at home, taking leisurely strolls outside or extended road trips.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“Have you ever taken off work early to spend some special with your partner or a loved one?”

“Have past partners consistently complained that you would frequently call to say you were running late for a date?”

“How much alone time during the week do you need with a partner to feel satisfied?”

Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Physical Touch received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need to be touched. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just physical contact – such as frequent tickles, constantly holding hands, public hugs and kisses or light touches as s/he passes by.

Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:

“How do you flirt physically with a partner and how often do you like to?”

“Do you like to act like a kid and playfully wrestle or have a tickle or pillow fight with a partner?”

“How comfortable are you with PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) and which kinds?”

A century. Let's celebrate with stats!

Ok. So my last post brought up the 100 post mark so thought I'd provide you with some boring stats.

By far and away Blogging = Jogging = Interet Dating = Working is my most popular post. Really not sure why.

Other notable inclusions include my favourite, Anatomy of a job interview and Scottish Independence which is surprisingly high considering I posted it last night

 Posting source countries is a very close battle between the UK and USA. Highly commended is Ukraine:

Just one more stat and it comes with a quiz question. Which of these OS's have you heard of?