Blogging = Jogging = Internet Dating = Working

"If you don't gosub a program loop you'll never get a sub-routine".

Howdy doodily doo.

The admirable Kryten probably didn't know quite how accurate the mechanoid erm, race, were with this saying. In sum, I suppose it translates as "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" and to take it further "It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees".

Ok. Enough of the Red Dwarf quotes (there are much better ones but these are currently apt).

I should probably give the synergies between them and then explain. Or not explain.

They are all visceral, soul destroying processes

They all provide a need to look at things a bit differently

They all require enough input to make it worthwhile

They are all areas I have l found recent comfort

They all make me ache the next day

Let me say Internet dating (or “dating” as its probably known these days) has been a massive confidence booster for me. A person who, at the moment, deserves to remain nameless (I owe it to her to preserve her confidentiality), has restored my confidence in the female-woman gender. 

Running has made me a stronger person (in many ways). 

Blogging has helped me formulate thoughts and words ‘n tha’ that probably makes me an insufferable person to talk to. I’ve enjoyed it so much I have started a sister-blog which is actually more of a forum. I’m not going to tell you about it yet. Need to wait a bit until I’m confident enough to show it to actual people I may know. It’s very popular, though.  Right now 96 views in less than 24 hours.

What I have learned over the last 6 months and few years is that it is never too late. Just get involved.

Would anyone like any toast?

GRRRRRRRRRR

Ho hum. Internet Dating seems to be synonymous with Bi-polar disorder. Yes. Like the idiot that I am I have signed up for something or other. My first experience was greeted with a massively harsh rejection. From a conversation that she pretty much started I was rejected because I asked if she "wanted to chat".

Mental.

Oh well. All good fodder for the blog, I suppose.

And the nonsense continues....

Could this BE any more of a Bazinga

"On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to zero". This is also apparently true of sitcoms.

When The Big Bang Theory started it was considered (by me, at least) to be a quite niche and hilarious comedy. Its appeal came from an inventive and almost unique array of characters, interactions and comedy that you felt that only you and a few others were privy to. The personal feeling was, of course, not true and it soon  became apparent when it became a global hit.

The curse-phrase for any t.v show is "Jumping the Shark" (after The Fonz in Happy Days highlighted the shows' nadir by literally jumping a shark). It seems ironic and counter-intuitive that a successful show has stumbled upon this by morphing into one of the most successful shows ever. Friends.

OK. I get it. All tv shows, especially in the U.S. are basically a punt and when they become profitable (usually around the 100 episode mark) they kick back and relax. But it seems that the TBBT staff got to this point and started to crap themselves. Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady turned into David Crane and Marta Kaufman.

I have evidence.

In no particular order:

In one episode, Howard becomes more effeminate due to an Oestrogen cream and gets offended at the assumption he is "male". This is mirrored by Chandler's use of subliminal tapes to help him quit smoking. What he was actually was listening to was a tape telling him to be a "...strong, confident woman".

In another, Penny pulls out a box of meaningless crap which demonstrates how romantic she actually is. When Ross and Rachel had one of their big splits guess what happens, Rachel pulls out a box of meaningless crap that proves she's romantic.

In the latest shocker Penny finds out she is actually inadvertently married and needs to get it annulled. Sound familar? Ross? Rachel? Vegas?

I have tonnes more but you get the point. Jumping the Shark is synonymous with breaking even. As soon as the producers realise they have something to lose they lose all sense of identity and start pandering to "what the public want". A show, secure in its cult status gets handed a ticket to the Premier League and bottles it on arrival.  

I've wanted to make this post for a while but, after Thursday's episode, The Thanksgiving Decoupling, I felt something needed to be said.

Not annoyed, TBBT, just disappointed (and that's the worst of all).

I'd like to say I had to research any part of this post but, unfortunately, its just in my head. 10, 15 years on.

Desperate Fishwives?

Yes, the post's title is at least five years out of date but I always wanted to use it. It's a kind of checksum for all Alan Carr jokes.

Anyhoo, I am one day into internet dating and all seems good. A few winks, apparently a few "private" messages (despite them clearly being generic) and I feel "loved". I have to say there are some beautiful single people out there. The problem I have, though, is that I have to sign up and pay money to reply to these lovely ladies. Paying isn't a problem per se but online dating does seem to be f%££$&$g expensive. No, seriously. F&^%$%£g expensive.

£20 per month? At these prices I can't even afford to make a joke about a happy ending. For £20 I get three times guaranteed with a local lady of the night AND they phone for my taxi.

I jest, of course. But my point still stands. Love must be cheaper than this. If I signed up I would feel dirty and desperate. If I was paying that much I would say yes to people I wouldn't normally want to.

I finally get it. Get out there and do stuff. Meet people. That's how you do it!

Apologies for the saccharine shizzle.

Some sort of Personal Growth

A very difficult wicket stands. I am still here despite personal grrrs.

Anyhoo, as reserved as I am, I want to make you aware of my latest landmark.

Internet dating. Of the many social and technological advances we, as a species, have made I never thought I would be one of the mun_  sorry punters that use these sites.

A questionnaire that would baffle even the most astute PHD/Rocket Scientist/Brain Surgeon (all things I may have noted on my profile). Social politics are fine for the unaware but the idiots among us have to make do with our own selves.

That aside, I was greeted with many purdy ladies. Especially one from Torquay (my old stamping ground).

Keep watching for further nonsense

Week 1 Round up (1/8) - 30km

Reading Half is only seven weeks away and so my last push has finally started. Proper bo. This means six runs a week: 

Wednesday is Speed night (I believe they had the same in a pub I used to work at. Sometimes, karaoke)

Thursday is a 10k (to gauge my progress) 

Friday is Tempo (slow, then fast, then slow - the more mature part of myself prohibits me from making a sex joke) 

Sunday is the big boy. X amount of time, slow 

Tuesday and Saturday are token 3 or so mile looseners (check ME out - 3 miles will NEVER be just a loosener). 

The plan I have based it on (I have made minor changes to the structure but not the content) is here. It's the last one on the page.

Yesterday's long run was 1:30. No distance was prescribed, just run for 1:30.  Being a Sunday I waited until the sun was about and went back to home turf - the canal path. Any fatigue was offset by the beauty of the course,  the flatness of the path, and the distinct aroma or hemp emitting from one of the barges.

The toilets at Bradford on Avon lock helped, too.

The Sunday morning long runs will be used to test out my match-day tekkers. What time should I get up? What should I eat before? Warm up? What should I eat during? This week was a partial success. Bowl of cereal and a coffee, 90 mins before start was a good start. I sucked on a gel at about 50 mins for the next 20 or so mins. Definitely worked. Felt sluggish at the end, so a two gel, or one gel plus jelly babies structure would be good. I will keep testing.

It is Monday now (my rest day) and I feel surprisingly good (if a little weary). The saddest/craziest thing is that tonight, I have missed it.

I'll save my awesome pavement camber/foot pronation stories for a log fire somewhere. 

A post I didn't expect to make

On viewing the BBC Sport website just now I was greeted with an unexpected laughing fit. The inane tweet I had made to #bbccricket was actually published.

Absolutely true -

  I thought the BBC were classier than to put my nonsense on. Must be a really boring match.

#Stillgiggling