Another new post that was an email to a (now) ex g/f

Hi (babe/s doesn't really sound appropriate right now)

I apologise in advance for the excessive use of parenthisis, commas, colons, dashes etc.

I also apologise for the fact I am writing this to you knowing it will be posted on my blog. It is my hope and wish that it might make a couple of blokes at Capita go "Huhhh, yeah he's right there".

I wanted to give you a final email to sum up and give my take (/commentary) on what we've been through.

You are amazing. I love you and everyone who reads my blog or has spoken to me in the last few months (especially Scott and Milo) knows this is the case. To this day this fact has not changed. General constructs of language dictates I should put a "but.." in there but I will not. I love you. You speak to me in a way that I can appreciate and respect. I truly apologise If I ever come across as if I'm speaking down to you (I asked you to give me examples which, I understand, is an example of me speaking down to you!!!) but I speak to you as an equal. You are by far and away the most intelligent g/f I have ever had.

we have had some hard times (very) recently. I'll sum it up slightly different than before. You loved me. Your crime was that you loved me. I don't know how you feel now. The punishment for your crime was that you had to be with me. You wanted to know everything about me? I told you. I started by talking about Luke and the reasons I cannot see him. I went on to my parents and have gone on to answer any question you have (and many you didn't ask).

I went on to meet you (yes, this IS the timeline!) and fell so head-over-heels in love with you that, at the weekend I asked you to marry me. I can guarantee you didn't expect it because I didn't expect it!

In the few months we spent together I got to know and love your kids. Jake's beautiful cheekiness, Olly's innocence and caring, Zach's leadership and Beth's strength of character. I have tried to guide them the right way and you, to your credit, accepted my help.

You said Yes. All my christmasses and birthdays had come at once. I even phoned your dad to ask his permission! If you ask ANY of my exes they will tell you that's not the kind of thing I do! Really!

The last few days have been hell. After a couple of days of you ignoring me (pretty much) and a few days without sleep and feeling as bad as I ever have I sent you a suicide note. I thought it was the, erm, polite thing to do. But that's not how you took it.  

You decided to go on the offensive. Fine. That's up to you. You left me. Again, your right and privilege. I suppose the whole reason for this post is this question. Is the only reason for you leaving me the fact that I opened up with a suicide note?