This season has truly been a case of Tesco's profligacy, social insincerity and environmental irresponsibility has been my gain.
In consecutive days I have been able to proffer some awesome bargains. A Sloppy Giuseppe Pizza for 45p started me nicely. Some top end cheese and pork pies concluded that day. I was greeted by a veritable cavalcade of bread options on my next visit. I went good and I went bad. Neither cost me more than 10p.
In sum: salad, 3x Moroccan Cous Cous, Tuna sandwich filler, a massive bag of sprouts, massive bag of carrots, massive bag of potatoes. ALL of the above for less than 2 quid.
Sunday 29 December 2013
Saturday 28 December 2013
Back to reality (For the cooler people; Ooh, there goes gravity).
A jog today told me, despite an absence from running (ankle is still not right) that my fitness is good. A genuine jog pace for 2.5k came in at 6 mins per k. Nothing special. It wasn't meant to be. But, if I did that pace for a half, I would be just tipping the 2 hour mark. This tells me two things. 1, if I can't do that pace for a half I should give up now, and 2, that being the case, I've taken about 20 mins off my time through mostly non-running, fitness and strength training.
I love that I can feel eyes glaze over.
So to the real, lazy-assed world of me. Spent much of the last couple of days playing 80's games, prompted by a bbc article. It's funny that the two games I have been most enamoured with are Gunsmoke and Temco American football. Neither have I played before. I'm rubbish. Gunsmoke - I'm just bad, TAF - actually one of the better thought out american football games. John Madden was ok on the MegaDrive but, if you get past the graphics and turn off the sound it is an awesome.
In other, Twitter-based news, some of my comments have been "favourited" by famous people. Probably means nothing but I'm obscenely pleased.
BTW I've not received a "Cease and Desist" for my story so I will keep writing.
Give it time.
I love that I can feel eyes glaze over.
So to the real, lazy-assed world of me. Spent much of the last couple of days playing 80's games, prompted by a bbc article. It's funny that the two games I have been most enamoured with are Gunsmoke and Temco American football. Neither have I played before. I'm rubbish. Gunsmoke - I'm just bad, TAF - actually one of the better thought out american football games. John Madden was ok on the MegaDrive but, if you get past the graphics and turn off the sound it is an awesome.
In other, Twitter-based news, some of my comments have been "favourited" by famous people. Probably means nothing but I'm obscenely pleased.
BTW I've not received a "Cease and Desist" for my story so I will keep writing.
Give it time.
Friday 27 December 2013
(Burger, Shake and F)rise of the Planet of the Apes Part 3
A different place.
WeStSuCkS_9999, one of chairman Hughes' henchmen, sat in his throne. It wasn't particularly comfortable but did give him the sense of entitlement he felt he deserved. He didn't try to be a bad person, just someone in charge of, maybe, a bad regime. The throne was necessary to make those changes. The servants were necessary to make those changes. The beatings were necessary.
He ate his lunch purposefully and singularly. Each element was picked off. He said very little. The final quarter of bread he had torn off was salivated over, then devoured in one shot. As he finished he walked to the window.
"They're marching" he thought "always with the marching"
"Marching for nothing"
A knock came at the door. It was a messenger. All she said was
"Come"
His head dropped and he walked in time to the march. That is all he could do.
WeStSuCkS_9999, one of chairman Hughes' henchmen, sat in his throne. It wasn't particularly comfortable but did give him the sense of entitlement he felt he deserved. He didn't try to be a bad person, just someone in charge of, maybe, a bad regime. The throne was necessary to make those changes. The servants were necessary to make those changes. The beatings were necessary.
He ate his lunch purposefully and singularly. Each element was picked off. He said very little. The final quarter of bread he had torn off was salivated over, then devoured in one shot. As he finished he walked to the window.
"They're marching" he thought "always with the marching"
"Marching for nothing"
A knock came at the door. It was a messenger. All she said was
"Come"
His head dropped and he walked in time to the march. That is all he could do.
@aarongilbert981
I feel it is my duty to notify you of my heinous act.
I have joined Twitter.
I will let that sink in for a while.
Pause.
Pause.
Pause.
Look, there is a reason (not a good one). I was hoping to open my blog up to more than two people and a dog. A website told me joining Twatter was the way to go. Time will tell. But the world should be aware of idiots so they can avoid and control them.
Anyhoo, as someone who has really struggled with, and beaten, insomnia, I'm pretty sure I will never sleep again. F£$%£$% C£$%^ !
I have joined Twitter.
I will let that sink in for a while.
Pause.
Pause.
Pause.
Look, there is a reason (not a good one). I was hoping to open my blog up to more than two people and a dog. A website told me joining Twatter was the way to go. Time will tell. But the world should be aware of idiots so they can avoid and control them.
Anyhoo, as someone who has really struggled with, and beaten, insomnia, I'm pretty sure I will never sleep again. F£$%£$% C£$%^ !
Thursday 26 December 2013
(Burger, Shake and F)rise of the Planet of the Apes Part 2
A different day.
Team Google had already adopted a flag and this was snapped up by The White House, Buckingham Palace and on each banner ad everyone received. The "Cat on a piano" rang out far and true as a symbol of, well, whatever the viewer wanted it to mean. At the very least, it engaged a concerted sigh.
As Simons_ego684 "liked" this flag for another day, people "agreed".
Team China adapted their flag to include a frowny face. Everyone "liked". No-one disagreed.
Simons_ego684 was a doctor.He had seen what was happening to the world for the last twenty years and his family had told him to leave it, conform. They didn't want him subjected to a viral ridicule. Too many suicides had made this the single largest killer. This is how the war was being fought.
TracieHoneybee1 was his rock. His two kids were his butresses. Honey loved Ego and Ego loved Honey. They had raised Growlerxxc and Supa1_Panda in a "cosy" flat. They felt safe in their cocoon.
"How many chilies should I put in this?" Ego asked.
TracieHoneybee1 had already perfected her supportive smile. She had done it through recessions, floods, umpteen moves, Medicene Sans Frontieres and even Chicken Pox. The tilt of her head should have told Ego not to do what she knew he was intending.
"Bugger" became her look and a tear came to her eye.
Team Google had already adopted a flag and this was snapped up by The White House, Buckingham Palace and on each banner ad everyone received. The "Cat on a piano" rang out far and true as a symbol of, well, whatever the viewer wanted it to mean. At the very least, it engaged a concerted sigh.
As Simons_ego684 "liked" this flag for another day, people "agreed".
Team China adapted their flag to include a frowny face. Everyone "liked". No-one disagreed.
Simons_ego684 was a doctor.He had seen what was happening to the world for the last twenty years and his family had told him to leave it, conform. They didn't want him subjected to a viral ridicule. Too many suicides had made this the single largest killer. This is how the war was being fought.
TracieHoneybee1 was his rock. His two kids were his butresses. Honey loved Ego and Ego loved Honey. They had raised Growlerxxc and Supa1_Panda in a "cosy" flat. They felt safe in their cocoon.
"How many chilies should I put in this?" Ego asked.
TracieHoneybee1 had already perfected her supportive smile. She had done it through recessions, floods, umpteen moves, Medicene Sans Frontieres and even Chicken Pox. The tilt of her head should have told Ego not to do what she knew he was intending.
"Bugger" became her look and a tear came to her eye.
Wednesday 25 December 2013
A Christmas gift. Something new
A story. This is part 1 (Apologies but I don't dabble in fiction that much). Will welcome any feedback including "Please Stop". BTW I have a plan for the title.Just not got there! I'll probably post the next installment tomorrow.
(Burger, Shake and F)rise of the Planet of the Apes
"Stuff your balls in your face." simons_ego684 asserted with slight annoyance.
"Meh." was Mehmet76532154's response, as he clicked once more.
Three and a half years in and the war had become tedious. Google vs China had always promised to be such an exciting battle but when everyone realised that no-one was prepared to do anything but bitch and moan rather than actually fight no-one could muster the energy to back down. To use a football analogy, China parked the bus (understandable, with their strength in numbers) and Google started to go straight down the middle. No width. Just moron fighters. Possibly Niklas Bendtner
It actually became less of an analogy when China was bought by a Saudi group who installed Mark Hughes as manager.
The war ebbed and flowed. To begin with, predictably, Fox News was on the offensive. They helped Google obtain a US government grant to brainwash their following (and more besides) to actively ignore any demographic east of South Carolina. China countered with creating more unwanted tat and shipping it to us without us asking for it. I think it was a massive stand against the carbon foot-print, but who knows?
The Fox propaganda machine finally ended when God was scientifically disproved. Bill O'Reilly finally gave up and Fox disbanded to become the mocked minority. From then on the war became an apethetic tit-for-tat episode, ironically using Google-owned social media. China decided to allow all forms of this other than mocking of Chairman Hughes. That was punishable by death.
But the war was on.
Simons_ego684 was one of the activists. He believed that a free media should be liberated enough to allow anything. Especially indifference.
"Meh".
A beautiful sentiment, many agreed.
(Burger, Shake and F)rise of the Planet of the Apes
"Stuff your balls in your face." simons_ego684 asserted with slight annoyance.
"Meh." was Mehmet76532154's response, as he clicked once more.
Three and a half years in and the war had become tedious. Google vs China had always promised to be such an exciting battle but when everyone realised that no-one was prepared to do anything but bitch and moan rather than actually fight no-one could muster the energy to back down. To use a football analogy, China parked the bus (understandable, with their strength in numbers) and Google started to go straight down the middle. No width. Just moron fighters. Possibly Niklas Bendtner
It actually became less of an analogy when China was bought by a Saudi group who installed Mark Hughes as manager.
The war ebbed and flowed. To begin with, predictably, Fox News was on the offensive. They helped Google obtain a US government grant to brainwash their following (and more besides) to actively ignore any demographic east of South Carolina. China countered with creating more unwanted tat and shipping it to us without us asking for it. I think it was a massive stand against the carbon foot-print, but who knows?
The Fox propaganda machine finally ended when God was scientifically disproved. Bill O'Reilly finally gave up and Fox disbanded to become the mocked minority. From then on the war became an apethetic tit-for-tat episode, ironically using Google-owned social media. China decided to allow all forms of this other than mocking of Chairman Hughes. That was punishable by death.
But the war was on.
Simons_ego684 was one of the activists. He believed that a free media should be liberated enough to allow anything. Especially indifference.
"Meh".
A beautiful sentiment, many agreed.
Saturday 21 December 2013
Bah, humbug
What am I doing for christmas? Well, I'll probably go for a run, maybe read for a bit and watch a load of tv. At lunch I will happily have one of my awesome roast chicken dinners but sleep is definately my entree. Hooray for Vienetta!!!
My point is that a, I am not religious, b, xmas means nothing to me and I shouldn't be made to feel bad that that is the case and c, having proper downtime is the greatest gift anyone can give.
For many years I had to endure christmas as a time of catering needs; late, long working days and drunk idiots. Nowadays I find myself having time off. Accrued from the year, I take it now or I don't take it. Only a few days before I start my new job and I think I have managed to completely de-stress. Sweet.
Anyhoo, an ankle injury has recently stopped me running but the bike and a massive amount of weights have kept me going.I hurt more than when I started.I'm looking a little bit cut!
My goal is now official. 02/03/14. Reading Half Marathon. I CAN beat that time of 1:45. Although it seems a long way off right now
My point is that a, I am not religious, b, xmas means nothing to me and I shouldn't be made to feel bad that that is the case and c, having proper downtime is the greatest gift anyone can give.
For many years I had to endure christmas as a time of catering needs; late, long working days and drunk idiots. Nowadays I find myself having time off. Accrued from the year, I take it now or I don't take it. Only a few days before I start my new job and I think I have managed to completely de-stress. Sweet.
Anyhoo, an ankle injury has recently stopped me running but the bike and a massive amount of weights have kept me going.I hurt more than when I started.I'm looking a little bit cut!
My goal is now official. 02/03/14. Reading Half Marathon. I CAN beat that time of 1:45. Although it seems a long way off right now
Saturday 7 December 2013
Blogging is cheaper than therapy
Dearest log,
I'll probably be offline for the next few weeks due to wanting to get my "beast" on with my training so this may be a long post. I consider it my alternative to Rohypnol. Show this to a lady and...
So. Before I forget.
The Joys of Defecation (Gillian McKeith, take note)
My metabolism has gone through some interesting stages. a massive water intake (when I thought I needed it) promoted a massive, ahem, bowel disruption. Runners Diarrhoea is a known condition! So when I upped my protein and started "going" normally it was like passing a baby. I loved it. I think that if you are filled with a sense of achievement and slight disturbance, it has been a good one. BTW is there any reason it is called a number 2? It's inferiority complex must be sky high (given the use of the word s%&*). Maybe we should polish our turds (metaphorically).
Ambivalence
I just watched a sky sports show where current and former players detail a team filled with the best players they have played with. There is a certain bias to my viewing of this (if they played for Spurs, I'll watch).
Anyhoo, My latest viewing was Jermaine Jenas. A player who I wanted to love but grew to hate (possibly due to injuries). I hate him more now. I agreed with every sngle one of his choices.
He included Ledley King and every single player who played with him picks him even though he could only play one game in nine (due to his knee/s). He also picked Robbie Keane who a surprising amount of people pick. It seems surprising to me but he is the ROI top scorer of all time (more on Robbie later).
I hate him more because a, he made the correct choices and, b, he was fantastically confident and photogenic in front of the camera. I hate those people. It is a similar feeling I have to Danny Mills. Complete dick on the pitch. No-one would disagree. No-one. But then he almost won celeb Masterchef (totally robbed) and he is also a regular on the behemoth of shows, Fighting Talk. And he wasn't rubbish. I hate him the most.
Wow, this may be longer than I thought. I'll give you a few minutes to get coffee and snacks.
(To the tune of Rock and Roll Part 2) Duh Duh Duh Duh HEY Duh Duh Duh (repeat until you are back)
My faith in film is being restored.
We're The Millers is hilarious. A stoner comedy (still not getting old for me, just getting a little formulaic) containing my new flavour-of-the-month Jason Sudeikis (Yes. I looked the spelling up) who I ve loved since I saw him in the fantastic NBC ad for Premier League football being brought to the US. He plays an American Football coach who is hired as the manager of Spurs. "So how many countries are in this country". "Four". "So where's he from (Gareth Bale)?". "Wales". "Is that a country?". "Not exactly".
Check it here.
It also has a "kid". A Brit putting on a US accent. I say "kid" because he looks about 6'4". But he's also great. I remember him from some poor sketch show on Bravo or something when he was very young but he has certainly matured. Like an angry Harry Potter.
Oh. My. God.
Jennifer Aniston is in it. I have no problem with her. I have enjoyed many things she was in (she also got to see Hank Azaria's, ahem, manliness, in Along Came Polly).
The thing is, since she split with Brad Pitt she seems to be doing roles that prove she is ok. The Break Up - obviously (she has also noted the link in interviews. Wait, have I watched interviews with ANISTON? Nurse! Quick!).
He's Just Not That Into You and Cougar Town are kinda assumptions but, in We're the Millers, she definitely goes to the unnecessary (scriptually) point of becoming a lapdancer and showing off her bod. Job done, Jen. Bod was great. You shouldn't make people assume that's all you've got, though. You've done some good stuff. I won't include the TV series conversion of Ferris Buellers Day Off in that simply because I won't watch it on principle (In terms of movie to tv conversions that goes for Weird Science, Young Indiana Jones and Spaceballs -Use the Schwartz, Hail, Screwb. Oh I could go on all day, Yoghurt. They all suck(/Rant)
Back to reality
A good/interesting game of football last night. The first half, we were annihilated (I like typing that word 'cos I can spell it without looking it up). I take personal responsibilty. I went too far up the pitch in attack then too far deep to defend.
Now, my sense of position is good, normally, but I started the game viewing the game as a workout. I wanted to cover miles (and I did).
Fortunately, I was given a pep-talk at half time. I changed my game and turned into "the beast". I chased down every ball, took pitch-long 1-2's and tried to force the opposition into submission (I have no talent other than a couple of threadneedle passes so that's what I do).
I did this until I started to feel sick. Outstanding. Anyhoo, during the game I scored a hat trick. One of those was an own goal so probably doesn't count. But what I noticed was that I (unlike the po-faced others) like to celebrate goals. This may be because they are SO rare. I used to use the Bale heart gesture. I can no longer use this as he is a splitter. As a kid I used the Tony Yeboah finger and, in extreme cases, the Marco Tardelli knee drop whilst shouting "GET IN!!!" (true story). Elbow pumps were also prevalent. Now I am seriously considering the Robbie Keane forward roll then "sharpshooter" hands. Worst. Celebration. Ever. I want to make it cool.
I am more passionate on a football field than people would probably believe. So many swears.
Anyhoo, I have to go as Matt Johnson is currently hosting Fighting Talk. I will probably see you in a few weeks
x
Wednesday 4 December 2013
I wanted to use a different title
Enough of this frivolity and back to business.
Running every day worked. I will not have a word said against it. Start small. Actually, smaller - you need to. the rewards you will get from simply being able to do some sort of run every day are immeasurable. The base I've put down has brought results I never thought possible (4 miles at 8 minute pace. GET IN).
Anyhoo, I've decided a change-up is necessary. I've had a think about motivation and, for me at least, it has become tough to motivate myself for small but varied workouts. I will happily do them IF I am doing them but its easier to shrug them off beforehand if the return is minimal (there is logic!). I never had a problem with the expanse of the half marathons. It is a reason I could complete them with, hrmmm, minimal training.
I want to bring this attitude into my training. IF I am doing it I WILL DO IT.
I will define my workouts by days. Something like (but not definitely) a morning of running, a morning of cycling, a morning of weights, a morning of consecutive aerobic workout sessions. Ultimately, if I want to run well, I need to put my body through torture in a different way that I will when I run!
The mindset is the easy bit. I can run and run and run. That should be a plus point.
In other news Michel Roux Jr has just done the greatest thing in history. He said the word "flavourful" (ITS NOT A WORD) then immediately replaced it with "flavorsome". Props due, Michel, props due (and not just because you were on Fighting Talk).
ITS NOT A WORD
Running every day worked. I will not have a word said against it. Start small. Actually, smaller - you need to. the rewards you will get from simply being able to do some sort of run every day are immeasurable. The base I've put down has brought results I never thought possible (4 miles at 8 minute pace. GET IN).
Anyhoo, I've decided a change-up is necessary. I've had a think about motivation and, for me at least, it has become tough to motivate myself for small but varied workouts. I will happily do them IF I am doing them but its easier to shrug them off beforehand if the return is minimal (there is logic!). I never had a problem with the expanse of the half marathons. It is a reason I could complete them with, hrmmm, minimal training.
I want to bring this attitude into my training. IF I am doing it I WILL DO IT.
I will define my workouts by days. Something like (but not definitely) a morning of running, a morning of cycling, a morning of weights, a morning of consecutive aerobic workout sessions. Ultimately, if I want to run well, I need to put my body through torture in a different way that I will when I run!
The mindset is the easy bit. I can run and run and run. That should be a plus point.
In other news Michel Roux Jr has just done the greatest thing in history. He said the word "flavourful" (ITS NOT A WORD) then immediately replaced it with "flavorsome". Props due, Michel, props due (and not just because you were on Fighting Talk).
ITS NOT A WORD
I've been told I look like James Corden, Matt Damon and Matt Perry (the rugby one). I know which I prefer
Current Masterchef looky-likies:
Adam is a really ugly Gareth Bale
Big Luke is Dr Al Haskey from lunchtime soap Doctors (another secret shame).
Monica Galetti is Paulinho - Spurs midfielder (that's my favourite)
This is not mine, and not Masterchef based - Rio Ferdinand is Josef Goebbels. Seriously. Check it out.
No, seriously. Monica is Paulinho.
Adam is a really ugly Gareth Bale
Big Luke is Dr Al Haskey from lunchtime soap Doctors (another secret shame).
Monica Galetti is Paulinho - Spurs midfielder (that's my favourite)
This is not mine, and not Masterchef based - Rio Ferdinand is Josef Goebbels. Seriously. Check it out.
No, seriously. Monica is Paulinho.
Tuesday 3 December 2013
A love letter to a good friend
In a pacific post I pacifically named pacific people. Now I am a pacifist and pacific pacific nations pacificaly pacify pacific people.
That was exhausting. I could've continued but realised I should'nt
Am I clever or autistic? Is there a difference? I really made that up myself.
That was exhausting. I could've continued but realised I should'nt
Am I clever or autistic? Is there a difference? I really made that up myself.
Sunday 1 December 2013
Whatever happened to John Leguizamo?
The Spurs match is over. A creditable 2-2 draw with the second Spurs goal scored my newest favourite player. The Beast. Sandro is an absolute animal and one of the three men automatically on my teamsheet.
I am into the second viewing of my weekend film double-header (I had a big week - I earned it). Superbad 2. World War Z could learn so much from it. It presents a world where what it suggests is possible. It is vivid and beautiful and the appearance of Turkleton was great. Actually, it doesn't suggest. It presents the world and tells the viewer to deal with it.
That is how it should be.
I am currently feeling a little bit wrong because I heard someone far too young use the word "fingerbang". Ex post facto South Park has a great deal to answer for. Nice. South Park encouraged me to learn latin. Education can be found anywhere.
Anyhoo, in short, Superbad 2 provides things you want from a film. Escape from reality, believable characters (within that context) and a bunch of Brits behind it. Matthew Vaughan has a distinguished, yet tainted, history. I love The Football Factory. I like The Business. I almost love L4yer Cake (I insist on putting the 4 in. I'm sure the initial plan was to call it 4 Layer Cake. Audiences are idiots)(BTW there actually were 4 layers to the story).
Big fan of Christopher Mintz-Platz - he should be an Oscar winner but probably won't (Oscar judges are prejudiced against funny people).
Superbad 2 has a story you want to listen to. World War Z does not. Maybe because I've heard it before. Many times. You have to establish a story before people can care about it.
And people will care about it
I am into the second viewing of my weekend film double-header (I had a big week - I earned it). Superbad 2. World War Z could learn so much from it. It presents a world where what it suggests is possible. It is vivid and beautiful and the appearance of Turkleton was great. Actually, it doesn't suggest. It presents the world and tells the viewer to deal with it.
That is how it should be.
I am currently feeling a little bit wrong because I heard someone far too young use the word "fingerbang". Ex post facto South Park has a great deal to answer for. Nice. South Park encouraged me to learn latin. Education can be found anywhere.
Anyhoo, in short, Superbad 2 provides things you want from a film. Escape from reality, believable characters (within that context) and a bunch of Brits behind it. Matthew Vaughan has a distinguished, yet tainted, history. I love The Football Factory. I like The Business. I almost love L4yer Cake (I insist on putting the 4 in. I'm sure the initial plan was to call it 4 Layer Cake. Audiences are idiots)(BTW there actually were 4 layers to the story).
Big fan of Christopher Mintz-Platz - he should be an Oscar winner but probably won't (Oscar judges are prejudiced against funny people).
Superbad 2 has a story you want to listen to. World War Z does not. Maybe because I've heard it before. Many times. You have to establish a story before people can care about it.
And people will care about it
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