This season has truly been a case of Tesco's profligacy, social insincerity and environmental irresponsibility has been my gain.
In consecutive days I have been able to proffer some awesome bargains. A Sloppy Giuseppe Pizza for 45p started me nicely. Some top end cheese and pork pies concluded that day. I was greeted by a veritable cavalcade of bread options on my next visit. I went good and I went bad. Neither cost me more than 10p.
In sum: salad, 3x Moroccan Cous Cous, Tuna sandwich filler, a massive bag of sprouts, massive bag of carrots, massive bag of potatoes. ALL of the above for less than 2 quid.
Sunday 29 December 2013
Saturday 28 December 2013
Back to reality (For the cooler people; Ooh, there goes gravity).
A jog today told me, despite an absence from running (ankle is still not right) that my fitness is good. A genuine jog pace for 2.5k came in at 6 mins per k. Nothing special. It wasn't meant to be. But, if I did that pace for a half, I would be just tipping the 2 hour mark. This tells me two things. 1, if I can't do that pace for a half I should give up now, and 2, that being the case, I've taken about 20 mins off my time through mostly non-running, fitness and strength training.
I love that I can feel eyes glaze over.
So to the real, lazy-assed world of me. Spent much of the last couple of days playing 80's games, prompted by a bbc article. It's funny that the two games I have been most enamoured with are Gunsmoke and Temco American football. Neither have I played before. I'm rubbish. Gunsmoke - I'm just bad, TAF - actually one of the better thought out american football games. John Madden was ok on the MegaDrive but, if you get past the graphics and turn off the sound it is an awesome.
In other, Twitter-based news, some of my comments have been "favourited" by famous people. Probably means nothing but I'm obscenely pleased.
BTW I've not received a "Cease and Desist" for my story so I will keep writing.
Give it time.
I love that I can feel eyes glaze over.
So to the real, lazy-assed world of me. Spent much of the last couple of days playing 80's games, prompted by a bbc article. It's funny that the two games I have been most enamoured with are Gunsmoke and Temco American football. Neither have I played before. I'm rubbish. Gunsmoke - I'm just bad, TAF - actually one of the better thought out american football games. John Madden was ok on the MegaDrive but, if you get past the graphics and turn off the sound it is an awesome.
In other, Twitter-based news, some of my comments have been "favourited" by famous people. Probably means nothing but I'm obscenely pleased.
BTW I've not received a "Cease and Desist" for my story so I will keep writing.
Give it time.
Friday 27 December 2013
(Burger, Shake and F)rise of the Planet of the Apes Part 3
A different place.
WeStSuCkS_9999, one of chairman Hughes' henchmen, sat in his throne. It wasn't particularly comfortable but did give him the sense of entitlement he felt he deserved. He didn't try to be a bad person, just someone in charge of, maybe, a bad regime. The throne was necessary to make those changes. The servants were necessary to make those changes. The beatings were necessary.
He ate his lunch purposefully and singularly. Each element was picked off. He said very little. The final quarter of bread he had torn off was salivated over, then devoured in one shot. As he finished he walked to the window.
"They're marching" he thought "always with the marching"
"Marching for nothing"
A knock came at the door. It was a messenger. All she said was
"Come"
His head dropped and he walked in time to the march. That is all he could do.
WeStSuCkS_9999, one of chairman Hughes' henchmen, sat in his throne. It wasn't particularly comfortable but did give him the sense of entitlement he felt he deserved. He didn't try to be a bad person, just someone in charge of, maybe, a bad regime. The throne was necessary to make those changes. The servants were necessary to make those changes. The beatings were necessary.
He ate his lunch purposefully and singularly. Each element was picked off. He said very little. The final quarter of bread he had torn off was salivated over, then devoured in one shot. As he finished he walked to the window.
"They're marching" he thought "always with the marching"
"Marching for nothing"
A knock came at the door. It was a messenger. All she said was
"Come"
His head dropped and he walked in time to the march. That is all he could do.
@aarongilbert981
I feel it is my duty to notify you of my heinous act.
I have joined Twitter.
I will let that sink in for a while.
Pause.
Pause.
Pause.
Look, there is a reason (not a good one). I was hoping to open my blog up to more than two people and a dog. A website told me joining Twatter was the way to go. Time will tell. But the world should be aware of idiots so they can avoid and control them.
Anyhoo, as someone who has really struggled with, and beaten, insomnia, I'm pretty sure I will never sleep again. F£$%£$% C£$%^ !
I have joined Twitter.
I will let that sink in for a while.
Pause.
Pause.
Pause.
Look, there is a reason (not a good one). I was hoping to open my blog up to more than two people and a dog. A website told me joining Twatter was the way to go. Time will tell. But the world should be aware of idiots so they can avoid and control them.
Anyhoo, as someone who has really struggled with, and beaten, insomnia, I'm pretty sure I will never sleep again. F£$%£$% C£$%^ !
Thursday 26 December 2013
(Burger, Shake and F)rise of the Planet of the Apes Part 2
A different day.
Team Google had already adopted a flag and this was snapped up by The White House, Buckingham Palace and on each banner ad everyone received. The "Cat on a piano" rang out far and true as a symbol of, well, whatever the viewer wanted it to mean. At the very least, it engaged a concerted sigh.
As Simons_ego684 "liked" this flag for another day, people "agreed".
Team China adapted their flag to include a frowny face. Everyone "liked". No-one disagreed.
Simons_ego684 was a doctor.He had seen what was happening to the world for the last twenty years and his family had told him to leave it, conform. They didn't want him subjected to a viral ridicule. Too many suicides had made this the single largest killer. This is how the war was being fought.
TracieHoneybee1 was his rock. His two kids were his butresses. Honey loved Ego and Ego loved Honey. They had raised Growlerxxc and Supa1_Panda in a "cosy" flat. They felt safe in their cocoon.
"How many chilies should I put in this?" Ego asked.
TracieHoneybee1 had already perfected her supportive smile. She had done it through recessions, floods, umpteen moves, Medicene Sans Frontieres and even Chicken Pox. The tilt of her head should have told Ego not to do what she knew he was intending.
"Bugger" became her look and a tear came to her eye.
Team Google had already adopted a flag and this was snapped up by The White House, Buckingham Palace and on each banner ad everyone received. The "Cat on a piano" rang out far and true as a symbol of, well, whatever the viewer wanted it to mean. At the very least, it engaged a concerted sigh.
As Simons_ego684 "liked" this flag for another day, people "agreed".
Team China adapted their flag to include a frowny face. Everyone "liked". No-one disagreed.
Simons_ego684 was a doctor.He had seen what was happening to the world for the last twenty years and his family had told him to leave it, conform. They didn't want him subjected to a viral ridicule. Too many suicides had made this the single largest killer. This is how the war was being fought.
TracieHoneybee1 was his rock. His two kids were his butresses. Honey loved Ego and Ego loved Honey. They had raised Growlerxxc and Supa1_Panda in a "cosy" flat. They felt safe in their cocoon.
"How many chilies should I put in this?" Ego asked.
TracieHoneybee1 had already perfected her supportive smile. She had done it through recessions, floods, umpteen moves, Medicene Sans Frontieres and even Chicken Pox. The tilt of her head should have told Ego not to do what she knew he was intending.
"Bugger" became her look and a tear came to her eye.
Wednesday 25 December 2013
A Christmas gift. Something new
A story. This is part 1 (Apologies but I don't dabble in fiction that much). Will welcome any feedback including "Please Stop". BTW I have a plan for the title.Just not got there! I'll probably post the next installment tomorrow.
(Burger, Shake and F)rise of the Planet of the Apes
"Stuff your balls in your face." simons_ego684 asserted with slight annoyance.
"Meh." was Mehmet76532154's response, as he clicked once more.
Three and a half years in and the war had become tedious. Google vs China had always promised to be such an exciting battle but when everyone realised that no-one was prepared to do anything but bitch and moan rather than actually fight no-one could muster the energy to back down. To use a football analogy, China parked the bus (understandable, with their strength in numbers) and Google started to go straight down the middle. No width. Just moron fighters. Possibly Niklas Bendtner
It actually became less of an analogy when China was bought by a Saudi group who installed Mark Hughes as manager.
The war ebbed and flowed. To begin with, predictably, Fox News was on the offensive. They helped Google obtain a US government grant to brainwash their following (and more besides) to actively ignore any demographic east of South Carolina. China countered with creating more unwanted tat and shipping it to us without us asking for it. I think it was a massive stand against the carbon foot-print, but who knows?
The Fox propaganda machine finally ended when God was scientifically disproved. Bill O'Reilly finally gave up and Fox disbanded to become the mocked minority. From then on the war became an apethetic tit-for-tat episode, ironically using Google-owned social media. China decided to allow all forms of this other than mocking of Chairman Hughes. That was punishable by death.
But the war was on.
Simons_ego684 was one of the activists. He believed that a free media should be liberated enough to allow anything. Especially indifference.
"Meh".
A beautiful sentiment, many agreed.
(Burger, Shake and F)rise of the Planet of the Apes
"Stuff your balls in your face." simons_ego684 asserted with slight annoyance.
"Meh." was Mehmet76532154's response, as he clicked once more.
Three and a half years in and the war had become tedious. Google vs China had always promised to be such an exciting battle but when everyone realised that no-one was prepared to do anything but bitch and moan rather than actually fight no-one could muster the energy to back down. To use a football analogy, China parked the bus (understandable, with their strength in numbers) and Google started to go straight down the middle. No width. Just moron fighters. Possibly Niklas Bendtner
It actually became less of an analogy when China was bought by a Saudi group who installed Mark Hughes as manager.
The war ebbed and flowed. To begin with, predictably, Fox News was on the offensive. They helped Google obtain a US government grant to brainwash their following (and more besides) to actively ignore any demographic east of South Carolina. China countered with creating more unwanted tat and shipping it to us without us asking for it. I think it was a massive stand against the carbon foot-print, but who knows?
The Fox propaganda machine finally ended when God was scientifically disproved. Bill O'Reilly finally gave up and Fox disbanded to become the mocked minority. From then on the war became an apethetic tit-for-tat episode, ironically using Google-owned social media. China decided to allow all forms of this other than mocking of Chairman Hughes. That was punishable by death.
But the war was on.
Simons_ego684 was one of the activists. He believed that a free media should be liberated enough to allow anything. Especially indifference.
"Meh".
A beautiful sentiment, many agreed.
Saturday 21 December 2013
Bah, humbug
What am I doing for christmas? Well, I'll probably go for a run, maybe read for a bit and watch a load of tv. At lunch I will happily have one of my awesome roast chicken dinners but sleep is definately my entree. Hooray for Vienetta!!!
My point is that a, I am not religious, b, xmas means nothing to me and I shouldn't be made to feel bad that that is the case and c, having proper downtime is the greatest gift anyone can give.
For many years I had to endure christmas as a time of catering needs; late, long working days and drunk idiots. Nowadays I find myself having time off. Accrued from the year, I take it now or I don't take it. Only a few days before I start my new job and I think I have managed to completely de-stress. Sweet.
Anyhoo, an ankle injury has recently stopped me running but the bike and a massive amount of weights have kept me going.I hurt more than when I started.I'm looking a little bit cut!
My goal is now official. 02/03/14. Reading Half Marathon. I CAN beat that time of 1:45. Although it seems a long way off right now
My point is that a, I am not religious, b, xmas means nothing to me and I shouldn't be made to feel bad that that is the case and c, having proper downtime is the greatest gift anyone can give.
For many years I had to endure christmas as a time of catering needs; late, long working days and drunk idiots. Nowadays I find myself having time off. Accrued from the year, I take it now or I don't take it. Only a few days before I start my new job and I think I have managed to completely de-stress. Sweet.
Anyhoo, an ankle injury has recently stopped me running but the bike and a massive amount of weights have kept me going.I hurt more than when I started.I'm looking a little bit cut!
My goal is now official. 02/03/14. Reading Half Marathon. I CAN beat that time of 1:45. Although it seems a long way off right now
Saturday 7 December 2013
Blogging is cheaper than therapy
Dearest log,
I'll probably be offline for the next few weeks due to wanting to get my "beast" on with my training so this may be a long post. I consider it my alternative to Rohypnol. Show this to a lady and...
So. Before I forget.
The Joys of Defecation (Gillian McKeith, take note)
My metabolism has gone through some interesting stages. a massive water intake (when I thought I needed it) promoted a massive, ahem, bowel disruption. Runners Diarrhoea is a known condition! So when I upped my protein and started "going" normally it was like passing a baby. I loved it. I think that if you are filled with a sense of achievement and slight disturbance, it has been a good one. BTW is there any reason it is called a number 2? It's inferiority complex must be sky high (given the use of the word s%&*). Maybe we should polish our turds (metaphorically).
Ambivalence
I just watched a sky sports show where current and former players detail a team filled with the best players they have played with. There is a certain bias to my viewing of this (if they played for Spurs, I'll watch).
Anyhoo, My latest viewing was Jermaine Jenas. A player who I wanted to love but grew to hate (possibly due to injuries). I hate him more now. I agreed with every sngle one of his choices.
He included Ledley King and every single player who played with him picks him even though he could only play one game in nine (due to his knee/s). He also picked Robbie Keane who a surprising amount of people pick. It seems surprising to me but he is the ROI top scorer of all time (more on Robbie later).
I hate him more because a, he made the correct choices and, b, he was fantastically confident and photogenic in front of the camera. I hate those people. It is a similar feeling I have to Danny Mills. Complete dick on the pitch. No-one would disagree. No-one. But then he almost won celeb Masterchef (totally robbed) and he is also a regular on the behemoth of shows, Fighting Talk. And he wasn't rubbish. I hate him the most.
Wow, this may be longer than I thought. I'll give you a few minutes to get coffee and snacks.
(To the tune of Rock and Roll Part 2) Duh Duh Duh Duh HEY Duh Duh Duh (repeat until you are back)
My faith in film is being restored.
We're The Millers is hilarious. A stoner comedy (still not getting old for me, just getting a little formulaic) containing my new flavour-of-the-month Jason Sudeikis (Yes. I looked the spelling up) who I ve loved since I saw him in the fantastic NBC ad for Premier League football being brought to the US. He plays an American Football coach who is hired as the manager of Spurs. "So how many countries are in this country". "Four". "So where's he from (Gareth Bale)?". "Wales". "Is that a country?". "Not exactly".
Check it here.
It also has a "kid". A Brit putting on a US accent. I say "kid" because he looks about 6'4". But he's also great. I remember him from some poor sketch show on Bravo or something when he was very young but he has certainly matured. Like an angry Harry Potter.
Oh. My. God.
Jennifer Aniston is in it. I have no problem with her. I have enjoyed many things she was in (she also got to see Hank Azaria's, ahem, manliness, in Along Came Polly).
The thing is, since she split with Brad Pitt she seems to be doing roles that prove she is ok. The Break Up - obviously (she has also noted the link in interviews. Wait, have I watched interviews with ANISTON? Nurse! Quick!).
He's Just Not That Into You and Cougar Town are kinda assumptions but, in We're the Millers, she definitely goes to the unnecessary (scriptually) point of becoming a lapdancer and showing off her bod. Job done, Jen. Bod was great. You shouldn't make people assume that's all you've got, though. You've done some good stuff. I won't include the TV series conversion of Ferris Buellers Day Off in that simply because I won't watch it on principle (In terms of movie to tv conversions that goes for Weird Science, Young Indiana Jones and Spaceballs -Use the Schwartz, Hail, Screwb. Oh I could go on all day, Yoghurt. They all suck(/Rant)
Back to reality
A good/interesting game of football last night. The first half, we were annihilated (I like typing that word 'cos I can spell it without looking it up). I take personal responsibilty. I went too far up the pitch in attack then too far deep to defend.
Now, my sense of position is good, normally, but I started the game viewing the game as a workout. I wanted to cover miles (and I did).
Fortunately, I was given a pep-talk at half time. I changed my game and turned into "the beast". I chased down every ball, took pitch-long 1-2's and tried to force the opposition into submission (I have no talent other than a couple of threadneedle passes so that's what I do).
I did this until I started to feel sick. Outstanding. Anyhoo, during the game I scored a hat trick. One of those was an own goal so probably doesn't count. But what I noticed was that I (unlike the po-faced others) like to celebrate goals. This may be because they are SO rare. I used to use the Bale heart gesture. I can no longer use this as he is a splitter. As a kid I used the Tony Yeboah finger and, in extreme cases, the Marco Tardelli knee drop whilst shouting "GET IN!!!" (true story). Elbow pumps were also prevalent. Now I am seriously considering the Robbie Keane forward roll then "sharpshooter" hands. Worst. Celebration. Ever. I want to make it cool.
I am more passionate on a football field than people would probably believe. So many swears.
Anyhoo, I have to go as Matt Johnson is currently hosting Fighting Talk. I will probably see you in a few weeks
x
Wednesday 4 December 2013
I wanted to use a different title
Enough of this frivolity and back to business.
Running every day worked. I will not have a word said against it. Start small. Actually, smaller - you need to. the rewards you will get from simply being able to do some sort of run every day are immeasurable. The base I've put down has brought results I never thought possible (4 miles at 8 minute pace. GET IN).
Anyhoo, I've decided a change-up is necessary. I've had a think about motivation and, for me at least, it has become tough to motivate myself for small but varied workouts. I will happily do them IF I am doing them but its easier to shrug them off beforehand if the return is minimal (there is logic!). I never had a problem with the expanse of the half marathons. It is a reason I could complete them with, hrmmm, minimal training.
I want to bring this attitude into my training. IF I am doing it I WILL DO IT.
I will define my workouts by days. Something like (but not definitely) a morning of running, a morning of cycling, a morning of weights, a morning of consecutive aerobic workout sessions. Ultimately, if I want to run well, I need to put my body through torture in a different way that I will when I run!
The mindset is the easy bit. I can run and run and run. That should be a plus point.
In other news Michel Roux Jr has just done the greatest thing in history. He said the word "flavourful" (ITS NOT A WORD) then immediately replaced it with "flavorsome". Props due, Michel, props due (and not just because you were on Fighting Talk).
ITS NOT A WORD
Running every day worked. I will not have a word said against it. Start small. Actually, smaller - you need to. the rewards you will get from simply being able to do some sort of run every day are immeasurable. The base I've put down has brought results I never thought possible (4 miles at 8 minute pace. GET IN).
Anyhoo, I've decided a change-up is necessary. I've had a think about motivation and, for me at least, it has become tough to motivate myself for small but varied workouts. I will happily do them IF I am doing them but its easier to shrug them off beforehand if the return is minimal (there is logic!). I never had a problem with the expanse of the half marathons. It is a reason I could complete them with, hrmmm, minimal training.
I want to bring this attitude into my training. IF I am doing it I WILL DO IT.
I will define my workouts by days. Something like (but not definitely) a morning of running, a morning of cycling, a morning of weights, a morning of consecutive aerobic workout sessions. Ultimately, if I want to run well, I need to put my body through torture in a different way that I will when I run!
The mindset is the easy bit. I can run and run and run. That should be a plus point.
In other news Michel Roux Jr has just done the greatest thing in history. He said the word "flavourful" (ITS NOT A WORD) then immediately replaced it with "flavorsome". Props due, Michel, props due (and not just because you were on Fighting Talk).
ITS NOT A WORD
I've been told I look like James Corden, Matt Damon and Matt Perry (the rugby one). I know which I prefer
Current Masterchef looky-likies:
Adam is a really ugly Gareth Bale
Big Luke is Dr Al Haskey from lunchtime soap Doctors (another secret shame).
Monica Galetti is Paulinho - Spurs midfielder (that's my favourite)
This is not mine, and not Masterchef based - Rio Ferdinand is Josef Goebbels. Seriously. Check it out.
No, seriously. Monica is Paulinho.
Adam is a really ugly Gareth Bale
Big Luke is Dr Al Haskey from lunchtime soap Doctors (another secret shame).
Monica Galetti is Paulinho - Spurs midfielder (that's my favourite)
This is not mine, and not Masterchef based - Rio Ferdinand is Josef Goebbels. Seriously. Check it out.
No, seriously. Monica is Paulinho.
Tuesday 3 December 2013
A love letter to a good friend
In a pacific post I pacifically named pacific people. Now I am a pacifist and pacific pacific nations pacificaly pacify pacific people.
That was exhausting. I could've continued but realised I should'nt
Am I clever or autistic? Is there a difference? I really made that up myself.
That was exhausting. I could've continued but realised I should'nt
Am I clever or autistic? Is there a difference? I really made that up myself.
Sunday 1 December 2013
Whatever happened to John Leguizamo?
The Spurs match is over. A creditable 2-2 draw with the second Spurs goal scored my newest favourite player. The Beast. Sandro is an absolute animal and one of the three men automatically on my teamsheet.
I am into the second viewing of my weekend film double-header (I had a big week - I earned it). Superbad 2. World War Z could learn so much from it. It presents a world where what it suggests is possible. It is vivid and beautiful and the appearance of Turkleton was great. Actually, it doesn't suggest. It presents the world and tells the viewer to deal with it.
That is how it should be.
I am currently feeling a little bit wrong because I heard someone far too young use the word "fingerbang". Ex post facto South Park has a great deal to answer for. Nice. South Park encouraged me to learn latin. Education can be found anywhere.
Anyhoo, in short, Superbad 2 provides things you want from a film. Escape from reality, believable characters (within that context) and a bunch of Brits behind it. Matthew Vaughan has a distinguished, yet tainted, history. I love The Football Factory. I like The Business. I almost love L4yer Cake (I insist on putting the 4 in. I'm sure the initial plan was to call it 4 Layer Cake. Audiences are idiots)(BTW there actually were 4 layers to the story).
Big fan of Christopher Mintz-Platz - he should be an Oscar winner but probably won't (Oscar judges are prejudiced against funny people).
Superbad 2 has a story you want to listen to. World War Z does not. Maybe because I've heard it before. Many times. You have to establish a story before people can care about it.
And people will care about it
I am into the second viewing of my weekend film double-header (I had a big week - I earned it). Superbad 2. World War Z could learn so much from it. It presents a world where what it suggests is possible. It is vivid and beautiful and the appearance of Turkleton was great. Actually, it doesn't suggest. It presents the world and tells the viewer to deal with it.
That is how it should be.
I am currently feeling a little bit wrong because I heard someone far too young use the word "fingerbang". Ex post facto South Park has a great deal to answer for. Nice. South Park encouraged me to learn latin. Education can be found anywhere.
Anyhoo, in short, Superbad 2 provides things you want from a film. Escape from reality, believable characters (within that context) and a bunch of Brits behind it. Matthew Vaughan has a distinguished, yet tainted, history. I love The Football Factory. I like The Business. I almost love L4yer Cake (I insist on putting the 4 in. I'm sure the initial plan was to call it 4 Layer Cake. Audiences are idiots)(BTW there actually were 4 layers to the story).
Big fan of Christopher Mintz-Platz - he should be an Oscar winner but probably won't (Oscar judges are prejudiced against funny people).
Superbad 2 has a story you want to listen to. World War Z does not. Maybe because I've heard it before. Many times. You have to establish a story before people can care about it.
And people will care about it
Saturday 30 November 2013
28 days later was better. Film makers are rubbish
Why is film so bad?
Back in the day film was considered the pinnacle of production. When I was a kid I grew up wanting to be a film actor. Not because of the fame, celebrity or money. Maybe the hookers. No, not even the hookers.
I wanted to act in the Hollywood movies because they were awesome. Examples? I will choose carefully.
When I grew up in the 80's?
Top Gun (don't care what anyone says it is a great film)
The Breakfast Club
Carlitos Way (The same as, but better than, Scarface)
When I started liking film in the 90's?
Lock, stock etc. (Guy Ritchie critics are idiots. Remember this film? He was the new Tarantino)
Jackie Brown (my favourite Tarantino film)
Se7en
Fight Club (Obviously. Anyone who disagrees hasn't seen it. It is cleverer than you think).
Anyhoo, films are bad now. I am blessed with the ability to use two laptops at once. So, I am watching World War Z at the same time as posting this.
World War Z seems to be a massive Zombie based reach-around fest. It has themes running through it. I get the whole helicopter thing. But you can sleep through an hour of it without missing anything. The appearance of Doctor Who is great, though
Film is not the reason for this post. It is the awesome-ness of tv. What would you rather watch? An entire season of Homeland or a film on the same subject.
The beauty of tv is that it has realised that we are all GEEKS at heart. Nothing wrong with that. A plus point, in my opinion. But we need to know. We are questioning creatures and so understanding the world around us is vital. TV has fulfilled this in a way that film necessarily can't or won't.
I wasn't annoyed until I saw the latest "Oscar contenders". The Butler and Saving Mr Banks. Is someone joking? I am not laughing (although I am. At them). These films might be brilliant but you know before you go in that they will go further than a reach-around - further than I am prepared to describe here.
As ever, I want to undermine everything I've said here. I now need to go see them. The only reason that I'm slating them is assumption.
Somehow, this World War Z is still on. This is now a less good version of I Am Legend. Actually, shot for shot, in some places.
Maybe Brad Pitt finally screwed up.
</end rant>
Back in the day film was considered the pinnacle of production. When I was a kid I grew up wanting to be a film actor. Not because of the fame, celebrity or money. Maybe the hookers. No, not even the hookers.
I wanted to act in the Hollywood movies because they were awesome. Examples? I will choose carefully.
When I grew up in the 80's?
Top Gun (don't care what anyone says it is a great film)
The Breakfast Club
Carlitos Way (The same as, but better than, Scarface)
When I started liking film in the 90's?
Lock, stock etc. (Guy Ritchie critics are idiots. Remember this film? He was the new Tarantino)
Jackie Brown (my favourite Tarantino film)
Se7en
Fight Club (Obviously. Anyone who disagrees hasn't seen it. It is cleverer than you think).
Anyhoo, films are bad now. I am blessed with the ability to use two laptops at once. So, I am watching World War Z at the same time as posting this.
World War Z seems to be a massive Zombie based reach-around fest. It has themes running through it. I get the whole helicopter thing. But you can sleep through an hour of it without missing anything. The appearance of Doctor Who is great, though
Film is not the reason for this post. It is the awesome-ness of tv. What would you rather watch? An entire season of Homeland or a film on the same subject.
The beauty of tv is that it has realised that we are all GEEKS at heart. Nothing wrong with that. A plus point, in my opinion. But we need to know. We are questioning creatures and so understanding the world around us is vital. TV has fulfilled this in a way that film necessarily can't or won't.
I wasn't annoyed until I saw the latest "Oscar contenders". The Butler and Saving Mr Banks. Is someone joking? I am not laughing (although I am. At them). These films might be brilliant but you know before you go in that they will go further than a reach-around - further than I am prepared to describe here.
As ever, I want to undermine everything I've said here. I now need to go see them. The only reason that I'm slating them is assumption.
Somehow, this World War Z is still on. This is now a less good version of I Am Legend. Actually, shot for shot, in some places.
Maybe Brad Pitt finally screwed up.
</end rant>
Friday 29 November 2013
Random nonsense
Funniest names?
In baseball - Albert Pujoles (pronounced Poo-holes)
In World Leadership - Vladimir Putin (pronounced, according to George Dubya, Poo-tin)
In Football - Danny Shittu. Yes. I am a child. (Stephan Kuntz was a close second)
I now understand how I deal with stress. Not well. No sleep, self hatred and actual nosebleeds are not great. In very recent days I have ridiculously put myself through the process of applying for a new job. The way it happened before is still very raw. It is a situation that I wish I could sweep under the carpet.
However. I stepped up again. Another role came up and I thought I was okay for it. I reviewed my previous posts and would like to think that I had learnded something. The process is largely irrelevant. You go in, do your stuff, go out. Accurate summation of my sex life. I gave some good answers, some bad, and, once again, an absolutely shocking presentation. It doesn't matter.
For the next 36 hours I felt as I felt after the last interview. A feeling of limbo mixed with personal loathing. It can be a potent mix. I was left hanging until the last minute on Friday before I was given closure. Whether intentionally or not, people can be sadistic arseholes (technically my first swear in this blog. Appropriate and necessary). I don't know why I put myself through it again. I thought I needed therapy after the last ordeal.
Anyhoo, I got it. I am now officially a Specialist. I am awesome.
Will someone please tell my bowels that the stress is over?
In unrelated news, stress incontinence is a fantastic weight loss method. Not recommended.
In baseball - Albert Pujoles (pronounced Poo-holes)
In World Leadership - Vladimir Putin (pronounced, according to George Dubya, Poo-tin)
In Football - Danny Shittu. Yes. I am a child. (Stephan Kuntz was a close second)
I now understand how I deal with stress. Not well. No sleep, self hatred and actual nosebleeds are not great. In very recent days I have ridiculously put myself through the process of applying for a new job. The way it happened before is still very raw. It is a situation that I wish I could sweep under the carpet.
However. I stepped up again. Another role came up and I thought I was okay for it. I reviewed my previous posts and would like to think that I had learnded something. The process is largely irrelevant. You go in, do your stuff, go out. Accurate summation of my sex life. I gave some good answers, some bad, and, once again, an absolutely shocking presentation. It doesn't matter.
For the next 36 hours I felt as I felt after the last interview. A feeling of limbo mixed with personal loathing. It can be a potent mix. I was left hanging until the last minute on Friday before I was given closure. Whether intentionally or not, people can be sadistic arseholes (technically my first swear in this blog. Appropriate and necessary). I don't know why I put myself through it again. I thought I needed therapy after the last ordeal.
Anyhoo, I got it. I am now officially a Specialist. I am awesome.
Will someone please tell my bowels that the stress is over?
In unrelated news, stress incontinence is a fantastic weight loss method. Not recommended.
Wednesday 27 November 2013
Personal Growth Is Alive and Well
Strange things are afoot at Gilbert Towers. I have a houseguest. No, not him. My bro is taking a sojourn from the distant isles of one street over as he is having some problems with his missus. It is certainly not for me to cast any aspersions but, apparently, they do be crazy.
I've had this "palatial" manor for a while now and this is the first official encroachment. I'm still not sure how it does or should work when the kin makes an assault. All is well thus far, though.
It has brought an unattractive side out of me that only comes out of me when I am with, well, other people.
My "palatial" manor has been a true haven. A veritable fart-fest mixed with inappropriate nudity, peppered with more inappropriate un-nudity (looking shocking whilst donning full comfy gear and piling dressing gown and duvet on top).
I never realised, however, that, as soon as anyone is looking, I want to appear, well, above my station.Own brand Weetabix suddenly becomes actual Weetabix. Real ham becomes fake ham. The Daily Mail.becomes actual toilet paper...
This is not me.
Watch this space for Odd Couple references and tales of how my frugality overtook my snobbishness.
And in one episode, there will be a mix up with a blender.
I've had this "palatial" manor for a while now and this is the first official encroachment. I'm still not sure how it does or should work when the kin makes an assault. All is well thus far, though.
It has brought an unattractive side out of me that only comes out of me when I am with, well, other people.
My "palatial" manor has been a true haven. A veritable fart-fest mixed with inappropriate nudity, peppered with more inappropriate un-nudity (looking shocking whilst donning full comfy gear and piling dressing gown and duvet on top).
I never realised, however, that, as soon as anyone is looking, I want to appear, well, above my station.Own brand Weetabix suddenly becomes actual Weetabix. Real ham becomes fake ham. The Daily Mail.becomes actual toilet paper...
This is not me.
Watch this space for Odd Couple references and tales of how my frugality overtook my snobbishness.
And in one episode, there will be a mix up with a blender.
Tuesday 5 November 2013
Can't Touch This. Doo Do Do Do. Doo, Do.
As I walked to work yesterday morning I had a very happy relisation. The weight loss I have achieved has turned previously normal-looking trousers in MC Hammer-stylee Parachute Pants.
I was so taken by this I felt the urge to do the "Chinese Typewriter" all the way to work (Left leg over right leg then reverse; left leg forward, right leg back and reverse - distant memory of doing it in a bad club badly when I was 18. Very drunk). I was already almost late, though, so I ended up walking. Dance's loss is software's gain, I suppose.
Although I will always maintain that I never intended to lose weight, it was, however, necessary and inevitable and I am loving it. I feel better, more ready-for-anything and I no longer hear the teens laughing at me. But that might be because my headphones are louder.
My joy turned to fear when I watched Greg Wallace on Pro Masterchef last night. I have a huge amount of respect for Wallace. Boy done good. He has lost weight and has fronted Weight Watchers. He has also perfected the paedosmile. Check out the adverts and Buttery Biscuit Base on Youtube.
But Greg is, hmmm, of an age where weight loss has its downsides. Loose skin, gauntness etc. I know there is a certain point in your life where you can no longer 'bounce' back from being a big fat fatty and Greg is on the cusp. I worry where I (and my body) am. My belly is a private shame. Although one that will never been seen outside of a small resort in Nantes. STOP.
Hammertime.
I was so taken by this I felt the urge to do the "Chinese Typewriter" all the way to work (Left leg over right leg then reverse; left leg forward, right leg back and reverse - distant memory of doing it in a bad club badly when I was 18. Very drunk). I was already almost late, though, so I ended up walking. Dance's loss is software's gain, I suppose.
Although I will always maintain that I never intended to lose weight, it was, however, necessary and inevitable and I am loving it. I feel better, more ready-for-anything and I no longer hear the teens laughing at me. But that might be because my headphones are louder.
My joy turned to fear when I watched Greg Wallace on Pro Masterchef last night. I have a huge amount of respect for Wallace. Boy done good. He has lost weight and has fronted Weight Watchers. He has also perfected the paedosmile. Check out the adverts and Buttery Biscuit Base on Youtube.
But Greg is, hmmm, of an age where weight loss has its downsides. Loose skin, gauntness etc. I know there is a certain point in your life where you can no longer 'bounce' back from being a big fat fatty and Greg is on the cusp. I worry where I (and my body) am. My belly is a private shame. Although one that will never been seen outside of a small resort in Nantes. STOP.
Hammertime.
Monday 4 November 2013
Small things
Little pleasures from the last few days:
- · Accidentally typing Testes instead of Tests (often occurrence in my line of work)
- · Shouting out loud "NAILED IT!" to getting an answer in Only Connect
- · Eating Danish sweets called Sp**k. And seeing that the Liquorice version also says Saltlakrids. Danish is funny.
- · Helping that woman across the road. The internal laughter was deafening
- · Shouting out even louder "NAILED IT!" to getting a second answer in Only Connect
- · Feeling like a proper man by buying a screwdriver. Grrrrr.
- · Realising that I could feel like a proper man more often. Screwdrivers are cheap and easily available
- · Annihilating both teams on the missing words round on Only Connect as I always do. NAILED IT!
Political Satire 101
Potato / Potahto
I sustained an extremely painful injury on Friday evening. It wasn't running or Friday night 5-a-side related. No. I burnt the roof of my mouth. On a potato. True story.
It's one of those things that you don't feel at the time but once the pain hits you properly you realise exactly what happened and the nightmare in store. Just like voting <insert political party>! Am I right? Am I right?
As the rest of my body cannot get any proper satisfaction when I eat I feel like food is just going in one end and coming out of the other. Just like <insert political party> who has spent all our money on <insert ridiculous idea / misguided cause / political corpulence proof>. Hiyoooo!
The most painful thing is that, because it is on the inside of my mouth, I cannot stop playing with it with my tongue. Just like <insert disgraced/allegedly disgraced political leader and their secretary>. Booya!
It really hurts.
I sustained an extremely painful injury on Friday evening. It wasn't running or Friday night 5-a-side related. No. I burnt the roof of my mouth. On a potato. True story.
It's one of those things that you don't feel at the time but once the pain hits you properly you realise exactly what happened and the nightmare in store. Just like voting <insert political party>! Am I right? Am I right?
As the rest of my body cannot get any proper satisfaction when I eat I feel like food is just going in one end and coming out of the other. Just like <insert political party> who has spent all our money on <insert ridiculous idea / misguided cause / political corpulence proof>. Hiyoooo!
The most painful thing is that, because it is on the inside of my mouth, I cannot stop playing with it with my tongue. Just like <insert disgraced/allegedly disgraced political leader and their secretary>. Booya!
It really hurts.
Sunday 3 November 2013
Colin. Colin. Colin. Colin. Colin. Colin. Colin. Colin.
The battle for the regular host spot on Fighting Talk heated up this week with heavyweight Jonathon Pearce (media stature, not physical appearance. Although also physical appearance) putting in another great shift.
Handsome welsh chap Matt Johnson has definitely put forth a very good case for himself. I was genuinely surprised. The draw of the youth audience may swing it in his favour. He is knowledgeable and witty. Handsomeness is less of a qualification on radio
Pearce, however, is pure class. Genuine wit, personal reference (and reverence) and a true love for sport (well, at least footer). He also has the necessary swagger (finally) to splice his guests in twain with a cutting remark (he constantly went on about Eni Aluko's shocking end of the season among other things).
A few points of note:
I say "never go back" but if the big CM walked back into my life today I would happily accept him.
It hurts me that Colin knows this.
Handsome welsh chap Matt Johnson has definitely put forth a very good case for himself. I was genuinely surprised. The draw of the youth audience may swing it in his favour. He is knowledgeable and witty. Handsomeness is less of a qualification on radio
Pearce, however, is pure class. Genuine wit, personal reference (and reverence) and a true love for sport (well, at least footer). He also has the necessary swagger (finally) to splice his guests in twain with a cutting remark (he constantly went on about Eni Aluko's shocking end of the season among other things).
A few points of note:
- Eni Aluko's debut - excellent start. Proper sporting experience, confidence in front of the mic and she's studying Law. And I definitely would.
- Martin Kelner's return - I noted him before and he has been in hospital with awful things. His blog can be found here and is completely the inspiration for my own (I am nowhere near). Kelner is now out of hospital and back on the radio. He is smaller but the wit is cannot be beaten
- Greg James - he seems to have been ovelooked during this FT season. He did a single appearence last season. I really liked it. Maybe he doesn't want it. I hope he hasn't been overlooked.
- Christian O'Connell - No. Never go back. Like any job. Or a girlfriend. Or some questionable cheese.
I say "never go back" but if the big CM walked back into my life today I would happily accept him.
It hurts me that Colin knows this.
Yes. They be crazy
I think I've satisfied my quota of care in the community for the next week.
Realising that I'd spent a large part of the day on safari (youtube safari - that, disturbingly, took me from Tubes to LFC TV to Edgar Davids swearing to serial killers) I decided that I needed to go out for a token constitutional.
9pm is primetime for supermarket bargains so I set out for Tesco and got as far as the end of the road when I saw her.
There was a lady and a man. The man was standing next to the lady. The lady was crawling on the floor on her hands and knees. Now, the way they were configured I assumed she was searching for something. OK, not so much assumed, more hoped. Maybe, with my earphones in, I could walk past unnoticed and unnoticing.
Today my luck was out. I heard the two words that all Brits dread. "Excuse me...". Anonymity is a valuable commodity to many of us.
Anyhoo, the lady HAD been drinking. I assume she was in her early 20's (she looked 60 but had clearly been drinking for a long time) and could not even stand without help from two people. The initial excuse (before I had worked out how pickled she was) was that she had a wooden hip. Now, initially I thought this could be true, but a subsequent google search has returned squat.
And I mean diddly.
Along with her (what turned out to be) ex-husband, I helped her across the road to the sheltered accommodation where she resides (and possibly should be sectioned).
The situation asks bigger questions. The nearest pub is about a mile away. I needed to help her over the last 20 metres. How did she get from the bar to the point I saw her? Did she start drinking when Wetherspoons opens (early), keep drinking until midday, then spend the next 9 hours crawling home like a politician back to his wife?
Maybe I should call her.
In unrelated news, I'm back on the waggon for a while.
Realising that I'd spent a large part of the day on safari (youtube safari - that, disturbingly, took me from Tubes to LFC TV to Edgar Davids swearing to serial killers) I decided that I needed to go out for a token constitutional.
9pm is primetime for supermarket bargains so I set out for Tesco and got as far as the end of the road when I saw her.
There was a lady and a man. The man was standing next to the lady. The lady was crawling on the floor on her hands and knees. Now, the way they were configured I assumed she was searching for something. OK, not so much assumed, more hoped. Maybe, with my earphones in, I could walk past unnoticed and unnoticing.
Today my luck was out. I heard the two words that all Brits dread. "Excuse me...". Anonymity is a valuable commodity to many of us.
Anyhoo, the lady HAD been drinking. I assume she was in her early 20's (she looked 60 but had clearly been drinking for a long time) and could not even stand without help from two people. The initial excuse (before I had worked out how pickled she was) was that she had a wooden hip. Now, initially I thought this could be true, but a subsequent google search has returned squat.
And I mean diddly.
Along with her (what turned out to be) ex-husband, I helped her across the road to the sheltered accommodation where she resides (and possibly should be sectioned).
The situation asks bigger questions. The nearest pub is about a mile away. I needed to help her over the last 20 metres. How did she get from the bar to the point I saw her? Did she start drinking when Wetherspoons opens (early), keep drinking until midday, then spend the next 9 hours crawling home like a politician back to his wife?
Maybe I should call her.
In unrelated news, I'm back on the waggon for a while.
Saturday 2 November 2013
If you start one habit a month then in three years you'll have 36 new habits
Part of the reason I started running was that I wanted to change my habits. Over the years I'd got into many, many bad habits (toilet seat doesn't count - down isn't the default position).
My two half marathons have kind of flattered to deceive. Yes, I am phenomenally proud of them. I've gone from 17 stone to 13.1 miles and, when I look back, I still can't believe it. I can also now run throughout an hours' 5-a-side and still have enough energy and breath to jog 2 miles home.
But my fitness base feels entirely superficial. My training was erratic, I still only have one gear (two, at best) and the necessary downtime needed after an event or 5-a-side just doesn't seem right.
I've decided that the Longleat half might be my last half - I want to put in some proper training to get a proper sub-2hr time - and whether its Longleat or not, it means by the time I'll be ready it is pretty much the start of the running season (March). Then I might take the step up.
I have my 19 week plan. It starts small and grows and I've designed it to put down the base I need. It includes plenty of cross training (bike and workout dvd) and also has weights. I want to run every day and feel this is achievable (nomeatathlete). I'm starting with 10 minutes and taking it from there.
Habit 1 is November's habit.
Back on track.
My two half marathons have kind of flattered to deceive. Yes, I am phenomenally proud of them. I've gone from 17 stone to 13.1 miles and, when I look back, I still can't believe it. I can also now run throughout an hours' 5-a-side and still have enough energy and breath to jog 2 miles home.
But my fitness base feels entirely superficial. My training was erratic, I still only have one gear (two, at best) and the necessary downtime needed after an event or 5-a-side just doesn't seem right.
I've decided that the Longleat half might be my last half - I want to put in some proper training to get a proper sub-2hr time - and whether its Longleat or not, it means by the time I'll be ready it is pretty much the start of the running season (March). Then I might take the step up.
I have my 19 week plan. It starts small and grows and I've designed it to put down the base I need. It includes plenty of cross training (bike and workout dvd) and also has weights. I want to run every day and feel this is achievable (nomeatathlete). I'm starting with 10 minutes and taking it from there.
Habit 1 is November's habit.
Back on track.
Friday 1 November 2013
I love you all
I love my blog. It has become misguided at certain points but will return to what it should be - a public diary. Some stuff might happen to be funny, some not. I just go in with an idea and it just becomes what it is.
I need to stop caring what you think. I have enough problems.
I love you all
I need to stop caring what you think. I have enough problems.
I love you all
Thursday 31 October 2013
Haloween Redux. Short and sweet
Things you SHOULDN’T
do when answering the door to the average 7 year-old trick-or-treater
- · Ask the kid if they have a nut allergy then swap the Minstrels for Revels. Only a matter of time
- · Invite them in and tell them how your life went wrong – a true horror story
- · Invite them in and tell them how their life WILL go wrong (see above)
- · Invite them in and convert them to paganism. They should practice what they preach
- · Invite them in
- · Only put blunt razor blades in their apples so they “get the message”
- · Ask for their phone number
God bless the Pagans
Typing in the dark is a painful process. I am not doing this in order to test my touch-typing skills (a test I would have roundly failed). This is the situation in which I find myself - cowering in my cave so the trick-or-treaters just keep on walking when they see that the lights are off. My foam roller has gone at the base of my living room door just to ensure no light from my laptop suggests proof of life. It is a feeling reminiscent of living in my former flat.
October 31st is a strange day. It is the birthday of greats such as Indira Ghandi, Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson and, of course, romantic poet John Keats.
It is also the only day the mafioso influence is instilled in our children. In fact, the protection ring is encouraged by parents and the high-street. Kids go out and demand stuff. If they don't get it, you will pay.
The strangest thing of all is that parents endorse their children going out, on their own, in the dark, to ask strangers for sweets.
Now, back in my day you had to offer sweets to the kids to get them to 'talk' to you (Meowooaarrow. Charlie says... etc.). Another way was 'seeing puppies' or 'fixing a leaky tap'. Just so you know THESE ARE THE THINGS I WAS WARNED ABOUT. NOT WHAT I DID. OR DO.
In recent years there has been a massive wind change. The apparent over-protective nature of parents goes out of the window when you actually look at what happens. My entire (15 minute) journey home was absolutely peppered with teams of kids (most really young, most unescorted). Maybe people don't read the Daily Mail. Or they missed Gary Glitter's blog.
Like so much, maybe I just don't understand. Maybe, for some parents, the idea of free sweets outweighs the threat of paedophila. I'm just kidding. You're good people.
Wow. This entry went very differently to how I thought it would. I assumed I would be naming it "You Can't Libel The Dead" and revert to some puerile jokes about Saville and Jackson.
Don't worry. I'll try to make my next one funnier. Probably with bullet-points
October 31st is a strange day. It is the birthday of greats such as Indira Ghandi, Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson and, of course, romantic poet John Keats.
It is also the only day the mafioso influence is instilled in our children. In fact, the protection ring is encouraged by parents and the high-street. Kids go out and demand stuff. If they don't get it, you will pay.
The strangest thing of all is that parents endorse their children going out, on their own, in the dark, to ask strangers for sweets.
Now, back in my day you had to offer sweets to the kids to get them to 'talk' to you (Meowooaarrow. Charlie says... etc.). Another way was 'seeing puppies' or 'fixing a leaky tap'. Just so you know THESE ARE THE THINGS I WAS WARNED ABOUT. NOT WHAT I DID. OR DO.
In recent years there has been a massive wind change. The apparent over-protective nature of parents goes out of the window when you actually look at what happens. My entire (15 minute) journey home was absolutely peppered with teams of kids (most really young, most unescorted). Maybe people don't read the Daily Mail. Or they missed Gary Glitter's blog.
Like so much, maybe I just don't understand. Maybe, for some parents, the idea of free sweets outweighs the threat of paedophila. I'm just kidding. You're good people.
Wow. This entry went very differently to how I thought it would. I assumed I would be naming it "You Can't Libel The Dead" and revert to some puerile jokes about Saville and Jackson.
Don't worry. I'll try to make my next one funnier. Probably with bullet-points
Tuesday 29 October 2013
Personal growth (epilogue)
How many unmitigated disasters are there really? Poll tax? Maybe. New Coke? Perhaps. The cream suits worn by Liverpool's 1996 FA cup final team? Definitely.
My interview can now go down in the annals (yes, 2 n's) of history as a genuine unmitigated disaster. I don't want to go into details but I left the feedback session today feeling as if I'd just been hit by the perfect storm of coughing fit and explosive diarrhoea - wherever you stand you are going to get covered.
Needless to say I didn't get it but I always try to see the positives. After hosing myself down I can finally get a good nights' sleep and forget about it; vomiting is no longer my default stomach-state and the palpitations that dictated my breathing have been replaced by weary sighs. Nosebleeds continue.
I was thinking about drawing on some of the great literary and philosophical minds to console me. Surely Wilfred Owen has something from his war experience that can help. Shakespeare dealt with rejection on an act by act basis. Maybe Plato's Laches can offer me some perspective of true courage and nobility.
No. Right now the only sources I want to consult are the later films of Eddie Murphy. Just to remind me I used to be good and it all went wrong ending up with me sleeping with a Spice Girl (we've all done it).
It is good to have moments like this, when the wounds are still exposed and very raw. Maybe in a day or two I'll remember why.
My interview can now go down in the annals (yes, 2 n's) of history as a genuine unmitigated disaster. I don't want to go into details but I left the feedback session today feeling as if I'd just been hit by the perfect storm of coughing fit and explosive diarrhoea - wherever you stand you are going to get covered.
Needless to say I didn't get it but I always try to see the positives. After hosing myself down I can finally get a good nights' sleep and forget about it; vomiting is no longer my default stomach-state and the palpitations that dictated my breathing have been replaced by weary sighs. Nosebleeds continue.
I was thinking about drawing on some of the great literary and philosophical minds to console me. Surely Wilfred Owen has something from his war experience that can help. Shakespeare dealt with rejection on an act by act basis. Maybe Plato's Laches can offer me some perspective of true courage and nobility.
No. Right now the only sources I want to consult are the later films of Eddie Murphy. Just to remind me I used to be good and it all went wrong ending up with me sleeping with a Spice Girl (we've all done it).
It is good to have moments like this, when the wounds are still exposed and very raw. Maybe in a day or two I'll remember why.
Monday 28 October 2013
Anatomy of a job interview
Things I probably shouldn’t have done in my interview:
- · Entered to Ravel’s Bolero
- · Immediately eaten all of the biscuits (there were 54)
- · Answered questions with questions. “Why do you think you would be right for this role? “ “Why do YOU think I would be right for this role?”
- · Picked up the interviewer on his grammar every time he used a preposition at the end of a sentence
- · Given a detailed analysis of how beating a hooker in Grand Theft Auto demonstrates the difference between waterfall and agile methodologies (Venn diagrams were included)
- · Asked the interviewer outside when I thought he said he did my mum (he actually asked what I did for fun)
- · Used interpretive dance for three of my answers
- · Recounted the story of how I lost my virginity without prompting
- · Used my Admiral Akbar impression in lieu of any qualifications
- · Spent the whole interview trying to use the phrase “Banana Hammock” . And succeeding. Four times.
Sunday 27 October 2013
Personal Growth pt2
It is 10 o'clock and I want to throw up. The mighty Spurs have won (albeit unconvincingly) and this is genuinely the most nervous I have been since my last audition (14 years ago). There are many reasons why I KNOW I won't get the job.
An average heart-rate of about 95 (no joke) is not a good thing. I will walk into the office at about 3am and, by then, hopefully be a bit calmer (at that point I will have already done a 5 mile run. Seriously).
I will really not mind if I don't get the job. I just want to give a good account of myself. I feel more accountable to myself, and it is not often that I get this kind of 1 on 1 time with my bosses (well, time that isn't suffixed with a smart-arsed quip).
I DO look good in my suit, though.
An average heart-rate of about 95 (no joke) is not a good thing. I will walk into the office at about 3am and, by then, hopefully be a bit calmer (at that point I will have already done a 5 mile run. Seriously).
I will really not mind if I don't get the job. I just want to give a good account of myself. I feel more accountable to myself, and it is not often that I get this kind of 1 on 1 time with my bosses (well, time that isn't suffixed with a smart-arsed quip).
I DO look good in my suit, though.
Personal Growth
Although my supermarket shopping trips do seem like a random meander between aisles there is a definite logic and hierarchy in play. The hierarchy is as follows:
- Bargains
- Cakes
That's it.
So when I walk past a cake display and a pack of 5 (yes, count 'em, 5) doughnuts are reduced to 16p well, that is like catnip to my kind.
This is what has just occurred and I consider it an unequivocal victory that I walked past without even a closer inspection (although I did do a double take and parting was such sweet sorrow that I had to wipe a tear away with a nearby croissant).
Now I am not on any kind of diet but I am definitely more aware of the stuff that goes into my gob. Exercise makes me feel good -- proper food allows me to exercise. Simple.
I'd really love a doughnut right now.
Saturday 26 October 2013
Jeremy's Beardy-weard
This is the first time I've waged into the political forum on this blog but, well, here goes.
Russell Brand, this week, engaged in an interview with the mighty Paxman (famously the brother of the chief executive of the Dartmoor Preservation Association) on his role of political magazine guest-editor. It can be viewed here.
I'm struggling to disagree with Brand. Voter apathy is not because people don't care but because they feel so disenfranchised with the system that they see no point.
Anyhoo, Brand's political foray is not the reason for this post and, believe it or not, neither is Paxman's magnificent beard (some can pull it off, others cannot. Myself? I think I look good with at least some designer stubble. The point is that men should not listen to the women in their lives - as a semi-metrosexual man I can confirm that the beard is a good look).
I actually just wanted to point out that I think that Brand's frustration/anger at Paxman is misdirected. Paxman did his job perfectly. He unbiasedly, albeit in his inimitable obnoxious style that makes him so good, questioned Brand on the fundamental issues that anyone who wants to be taken seriously needs to be asked. Brand, enrapt by a combination of the hypnotic hirsute-ness of his "foe" and the reason for his own cause did not seem too see that the beard was tacitly agreeing with him.
Questions, of themselves, are not disagreement. Ever. I use the same methodology in my work. Questions only ever lead to self-examination, improvement and refinement. Once you can answer all of the questions that are, or can be, asked then your position (political or otherwise) becomes solid. How and Why are the two greatest words in the English language.
If Brand can answer those questions, he could change the world.
</political rant>
Russell Brand, this week, engaged in an interview with the mighty Paxman (famously the brother of the chief executive of the Dartmoor Preservation Association) on his role of political magazine guest-editor. It can be viewed here.
I'm struggling to disagree with Brand. Voter apathy is not because people don't care but because they feel so disenfranchised with the system that they see no point.
Anyhoo, Brand's political foray is not the reason for this post and, believe it or not, neither is Paxman's magnificent beard (some can pull it off, others cannot. Myself? I think I look good with at least some designer stubble. The point is that men should not listen to the women in their lives - as a semi-metrosexual man I can confirm that the beard is a good look).
I actually just wanted to point out that I think that Brand's frustration/anger at Paxman is misdirected. Paxman did his job perfectly. He unbiasedly, albeit in his inimitable obnoxious style that makes him so good, questioned Brand on the fundamental issues that anyone who wants to be taken seriously needs to be asked. Brand, enrapt by a combination of the hypnotic hirsute-ness of his "foe" and the reason for his own cause did not seem too see that the beard was tacitly agreeing with him.
Questions, of themselves, are not disagreement. Ever. I use the same methodology in my work. Questions only ever lead to self-examination, improvement and refinement. Once you can answer all of the questions that are, or can be, asked then your position (political or otherwise) becomes solid. How and Why are the two greatest words in the English language.
If Brand can answer those questions, he could change the world.
</political rant>
Friday 25 October 2013
The Biggest Loser? Yes and no
Since I started running / exercising / increasing my usual daily activity (walking from sofa to toilet or kitchen) my intention has honestly never been weight loss. I still eat masses, especially pasta. In spirit, at least, I seem to be propping up the Italian economy single-handed.
However. The scales do not lie (although they may be misguided). This morning, for the first time in as long as I care to remember, I was officially under 200lbs. That's 14st 4 in english money or 90kg for, well, who uses kg? The french?
I've definitely had a recent burst of activity. An exercise dvd (bought literally 2 years ago and not viewed until this week) has been part of this and the main cause of my pain.
The workout dvd is from Jillian Michaels - the evil bint from The Biggest Loser USA - and she works you hard. Only 20 minutes but its a hard 20 minutes <insert inappropriate joke here>.
I never realised before that my (still) awesome rack could hurt as much as it does but it does. I've also spent half the week feeling as if my stomach is recovering from surgery. A line of pain from my ribs to my happy area has been an interesting experience.
My plan is to continue in my mass-eating, some-exercising
vein until I get to my "natural" weight. My guess, given my frame (big shoulders?) will be about 13st (182lbs, the french can work out the kg themselves).
However. The scales do not lie (although they may be misguided). This morning, for the first time in as long as I care to remember, I was officially under 200lbs. That's 14st 4 in english money or 90kg for, well, who uses kg? The french?
I've definitely had a recent burst of activity. An exercise dvd (bought literally 2 years ago and not viewed until this week) has been part of this and the main cause of my pain.
The workout dvd is from Jillian Michaels - the evil bint from The Biggest Loser USA - and she works you hard. Only 20 minutes but its a hard 20 minutes <insert inappropriate joke here>.
I never realised before that my (still) awesome rack could hurt as much as it does but it does. I've also spent half the week feeling as if my stomach is recovering from surgery. A line of pain from my ribs to my happy area has been an interesting experience.
My plan is to continue in my mass-eating, some-exercising
vein until I get to my "natural" weight. My guess, given my frame (big shoulders?) will be about 13st (182lbs, the french can work out the kg themselves).
Wednesday 16 October 2013
Making distraction from what you should be doing even easier...
Apparently people can now get automatic updates when posts come out if they want them. Looking around this page, on the right hand side are buttons for RSS feeds, email notifications from Feederburn, Google + etc. Whatever is best for you.
You can leave comments, suggestions, notification of spelling mistaykes etc. and tell you can people you know about it. Probably best to stick to people you're not particularly fond of.
Alternatively, you could enter someone else's email address. It can be a great way to annoy your friends.
You can leave comments, suggestions, notification of spelling mistaykes etc. and tell you can people you know about it. Probably best to stick to people you're not particularly fond of.
Alternatively, you could enter someone else's email address. It can be a great way to annoy your friends.
Tuesday 15 October 2013
(Annoyed grunt)
Acchhh. I started this too late. It is now past 11 pm and I should be finishing the Horlicks, filling up the hottie bottie and taking the short trip up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire.
Playing with blog settings is not to be recommended as a late-night activity. RSS feeds? Search bars? Subscriptions? At this hour its all just a blur but the pretty pictures and flashy save icons make it like a 5p fruit machine at the end of the pier and I'm just a teenager mesmerised because the plums are held. .
I suppose this is the kind of craic that accurately reflects the hedonistic, rock and roll and crystal meth-fuelled lifestyle I have now (apparently crystal meth is something people from New Mexico sprinkle on their doughnuts ). It makes me smile.
Contentment is a funny thing.
Playing with blog settings is not to be recommended as a late-night activity. RSS feeds? Search bars? Subscriptions? At this hour its all just a blur but the pretty pictures and flashy save icons make it like a 5p fruit machine at the end of the pier and I'm just a teenager mesmerised because the plums are held. .
I suppose this is the kind of craic that accurately reflects the hedonistic, rock and roll and crystal meth-fuelled lifestyle I have now (apparently crystal meth is something people from New Mexico sprinkle on their doughnuts ). It makes me smile.
Contentment is a funny thing.
Wednesday 9 October 2013
Tuesday 8 October 2013
If a 6 word story paints a picture, and a picture says a thousand words....That's maths I can't even do
Another, more topical, 6-worder - practically handed to me by someone else (thank you):
Half! Done!
But I'm still running.
Half! Done!
But I'm still running.
Monday 7 October 2013
BMF 2013 - The difficult second album
First of all, scenes we’d like to see. I had rejected
alternatives for the blog entry’s title:
·
Endurance is a funny thing. You have it… until you don’t
·
When you are chasing an arse in front of you, it
will only lead to heavy breathing
·
Hell is a frustrated P.E teacher at the top of a
hill telling you to run faster
All true stories. There were many more x-rated lines I had but probably NSFW (unless you work for Jimmy Carr).
2nd event and, the night before, I was starting to worry
that the half marathon had lost it's thrill for me.
Y'know - already had the
achievement of doing one so can I be bothered? Training is fine up to the point
that you have to do 13 miles. The sheen becomes distinctly opaque when you are
trudging through mile 4 with a dodgy thigh feeling like you want to puke.
I am always happy to be wrong at times like these and the
entire day was awesome.
Started early. I didn't actually realise until I got the
race pack last week that it STARTED at 8am. I had previously arranged for
moral, transport and piggyback support from Scott and the disappointment, when
I told him of the start time, was palpable.
I stayed in Westbury, and got up at 4:30 after about 3 hrs
sleep (always the way). I ate and we left just before 6.
The journey presented a genuine concern. The thick mist and
cold conditions were a worry. At Salisbury (around 7am), the sky cleared. The
heavens were presented and I knew it would be a beautiful day.
We made it to Bournemouth footer ground in plenty of time
and prepared where I experienced the most disturbing thing EVER!.
I've never been in a festival-style communal porta-urinal
before but it is not something I want to experience again. In essence, if you
are next in the queue, and someone in the middle finishes, you have to walk
between 2 columns of people using a urinal! These are not wide. You are
touching the backs(ides) of 6 or 7 people....Sorry I can't go on without
dredging up bad memories.
There was still a chill in the air and was seriously
considering wearing a t-shirt and jogging trousers. As opposed to the flimsy
Team Dotty vest I had (which I’m still not sure if I have the body to pull off).
My fears were unfounded and was very happy with my attire.
Anyhoo, I had a 4 or 5 metre warmup run and got in line.
We all got lucky. We sign up for a half marathon in
October??? We deserve everything we get! The conditions were amazing. Beautiful. It was an uplifting race for so
many reasons. So many, in fact (considering I'm about ready for bed), I will
bullet-point them for you:
- My previous stop at the urinal-den left me unable to, erm, go. This was remedied at the first toilet stop (approx. 2 miles). I wasn’t the only one
- · My above stop at the urinal-den seemed to relax some things, erm, internally and so also had to stop at the second toilet stop (approx. 4 miles). This significantly lightened my load (pasta – gone; banana – gone)
- · It was at this point I started to regret my decision to wear white shorts due to potential stai…well, we’ll leave it there
- · During all this time the pack of fudge-banana energy bar I had taken just before I started was repeating on me and was seriously considering a tactical chunder. To my credit (I hope) I did not take this
- · I recovered from my need to throw up at about the 6-mile point. My thumb is testament to this (for some reason I gnaw the skin from my thumb when I want to vomit but actually shouldn’t )
- · Now here we have been trundling through the streets of Bournemouth. It is a truly beautiful blue-skied day. Even better, as virtually all of the run is, was downhill. Sweet
- · Boscombe Chine was a hill I never signed up for! In fact, no-one that I was around ran up it. Just think Bradford on Avon’s Mason Lane or Shaftesbury’s Gold Hill (the proper Hovis Hill) after having run 6 or so miles. In a different situation, at a different time, I may have different feelings for Boscombe Chine. It looks a lovely place to visit. But, for now, our love seems star-crossed.
- · There may have been a few thousand people participating (and some dodgy dogs) but it was truly serene at the waterfront. I ran eyes-right or eyes-left (never forward) so I could see the vista. It is a truly wonderful place
- · Just a point of note. Does Bournemouth have a problem with medieval sex pests? I only ask because I kept seeing signs “stay away from the groynes”.
- · The piers were done ( the first seemed a sick joke because we knew how far the last was) and I found my kick with 800m to go
- · Medal received, pack and tshirt got
- · Home
The final time was 2:26:32 and I finished 1889 out of 2857.
Improvement (definitely after the loo
breaks).
I am pleased to tell you that, while I didn’t sustain any
injuries (I strapped my ankle well), the most painful part of the entire
process is NOW! Walking (obviously), standing, sitting, any down stairs (up are
ok) give me a wonderful pain, akin to childbirth. Not in magnitude (probably) but in forgetfulness, when I’m lining up at the start for the next.
Next plans: This gave me a lot of confidence so I want to do
one more half. I know I can nail a great time. I’ll do this after a proper
training schedule and will be in about March. If anyone wants to join me they are
more than welcome. Seriously. If I
(yes, 17 stone me) can do this after about 4 months work then anyone can.
Give me a shout for anything.
I just want to thank some people:
Scott, Emily from Dorothy House (my contact), everyone who
has supported me & Team Dotty and, as ever, my parents. They are a large
part of the reason I do anything .
Please keep supporting. As of tonight the donation is up to
£140. Thank you all so very much. I cannot tell you how much it means to both
me and them.
My just giving account is still open for a fantastic cause https://www.justgiving.com/Aaron-Gilbert1
and will continue to be.
You are all beautiful people.
X
Thursday 3 October 2013
Etymology
Just a quick note on the previous post. I'm pretty sure I've only ever read the word "chortle" in the Beano. And probably only in Lord Snooty strips. It DOES perfectly describe the noise truly posh people make when they snort and giggle at the same time.You know, people who have had to take a few whacks for reading The Independent (chortle, chortle).
Men's Health? Men's Un-health, more like (chortle, chortle)
I get a daily newsletter from Men's Health. It must be the U.S. branch that produces it and it is awesome.
Today's newsletter? The 11 worst burgers in America. You know it will be shocking and brilliant before you read it.
I'm up to number 3 (they always go in ascending order of number of calories) Weighing in with 1540 cals is Friendly's Grilled Cheese burger. Yes. It's exactly what it sounds like. A burger, and instead of a bun there are 2 cheese toasties. Even in my pomp as a Megatron I would never even consider this. Fusion food never got tougher than this (http://eatthis.menshealth.com/slide/3-worst-crazy-burger-creation).
In other, unrelated news, I'm off to eat a massive steak pie. True story.
Today's newsletter? The 11 worst burgers in America. You know it will be shocking and brilliant before you read it.
I'm up to number 3 (they always go in ascending order of number of calories) Weighing in with 1540 cals is Friendly's Grilled Cheese burger. Yes. It's exactly what it sounds like. A burger, and instead of a bun there are 2 cheese toasties. Even in my pomp as a Megatron I would never even consider this. Fusion food never got tougher than this (http://eatthis.menshealth.com/slide/3-worst-crazy-burger-creation).
In other, unrelated news, I'm off to eat a massive steak pie. True story.
Wednesday 2 October 2013
Send in the clowns? Already arrived, sir
Quizzes fool you into thinking you know things that you don't. Apparently Some Enchanted Evening is NOT a song in A Little Night Music (I think I was thinking of Send In The Clowns) and James Tiberius Cook discovered Australia (I may have made a mistake somewhere there).
Sondheim/Lerner & Lowe aside I did realise that my musical knowledge tekkers are still up to scratch and my memory of cartoon characters is still there (Ren and Stimpy, anyone? Happy happy joy joy).
Anyhoo. 7 points clear at half time only to come in 4th is nothing to be proud of. A poor 80s music round is to blame. Who are Kajagoogoo, anyway?
Sondheim/Lerner & Lowe aside I did realise that my musical knowledge tekkers are still up to scratch and my memory of cartoon characters is still there (Ren and Stimpy, anyone? Happy happy joy joy).
Anyhoo. 7 points clear at half time only to come in 4th is nothing to be proud of. A poor 80s music round is to blame. Who are Kajagoogoo, anyway?
Apology
I apologise for a previous entry's title for two reasons.
1. I thought a google search of this would bring up the intended - It is a line in the T.S. Eliot poem "The Hollow Men". Beautiful. You should check it out. Apparently its the title of a novel set in Lucknow. I'm not saying I wouldn't reference this. Just not my intention.
2. The more I think about it the more of an innuendo it seems. Not an innuendo, not a broken column. My column works just fine (well it would if it was called into action).
1. I thought a google search of this would bring up the intended - It is a line in the T.S. Eliot poem "The Hollow Men". Beautiful. You should check it out. Apparently its the title of a novel set in Lucknow. I'm not saying I wouldn't reference this. Just not my intention.
2. The more I think about it the more of an innuendo it seems. Not an innuendo, not a broken column. My column works just fine (well it would if it was called into action).
Tuesday 1 October 2013
Sunlight on a broken column
To paraphrase T.S. Eliot my birthdays often pass me by not with a bang but a whimper. I prefer it this way. A quiet pint with my bro and sharing a few cakes around the office suits me fine.I don't want to be reminded that 33 will be no more and 34 is the grim reality for the next 12 months.
I'm not complaining, really. I feel younger than I look and, according to a straw poll taken around the office I look younger than the average viewer of Blue Peter (is that even still on?).
What birthdays do do for me (heh heh. Do-do) is make me have a rethink. Check where I am in life and where I am going. It has been a tough 12 months. I've had to properly learn to cope without my mum (which has been tough). I've also managed to buy a house and run a half marathon when, at one point in the last year I was about 17 stone. So a lot of positives.
The next 12 months? Who knows? The usual hopes and dreams still apply. A genuine commitment to finding inappropriate material on the internet is always top priority. I want to make the "natural" progression from half to full marathon (the "" were used because there is absolutely NOTHING natural about running 26 miles). I want to improve my workrate in 5 a side - I have no actual talent and my diminishing size is less of a hinderance to opponents than it was so I'll have to learn to mark and tackle again. I also want to put some proper moves on my career. There are some interesting roles coming up that are worth a look. I've been there 6 years (!) now. Time to show what I can do!!!
And I still hope for that elusive first reader of my blog.
I'm not complaining, really. I feel younger than I look and, according to a straw poll taken around the office I look younger than the average viewer of Blue Peter (is that even still on?).
What birthdays do do for me (heh heh. Do-do) is make me have a rethink. Check where I am in life and where I am going. It has been a tough 12 months. I've had to properly learn to cope without my mum (which has been tough). I've also managed to buy a house and run a half marathon when, at one point in the last year I was about 17 stone. So a lot of positives.
The next 12 months? Who knows? The usual hopes and dreams still apply. A genuine commitment to finding inappropriate material on the internet is always top priority. I want to make the "natural" progression from half to full marathon (the "" were used because there is absolutely NOTHING natural about running 26 miles). I want to improve my workrate in 5 a side - I have no actual talent and my diminishing size is less of a hinderance to opponents than it was so I'll have to learn to mark and tackle again. I also want to put some proper moves on my career. There are some interesting roles coming up that are worth a look. I've been there 6 years (!) now. Time to show what I can do!!!
And I still hope for that elusive first reader of my blog.
Monday 30 September 2013
Lunchtime legends
Ernest Hemingway once wrote a famous 6 word story and the concept has ever since enraptured me. Using the least amount of words possible to say the most is, to me, the epitome of writing. http://www.sixwordstories.net
Hemingways story:
For sale:
Baby shoes,
never worn.
I'm not sure I could ever match that but, for as long as my interest is held, I'll give it a go.
Some may not be 6 words. The one thing they do need, however, is narrative. That is the trick.
I sobbed.
She walked away forever.
That's my first effort, people. Explanation? No.
Hemingways story:
For sale:
Baby shoes,
never worn.
I'm not sure I could ever match that but, for as long as my interest is held, I'll give it a go.
Some may not be 6 words. The one thing they do need, however, is narrative. That is the trick.
I sobbed.
She walked away forever.
That's my first effort, people. Explanation? No.
Sunday 29 September 2013
Turn your head and coiff
A supremely disappointing journey to the barbers yesterday would've ended in barbicide* if the barber/hairdresser hadn't been so nice and friendly.
I've never been that interested in my own hair. I take the occasional glance at it and style it to any 80's or 90's convention that is currently en vogue. I was lucky enough to grow up in an era where style mattered less than substance (cheers, Thatcher). the 20/30 year cycle we have on fashion is both inevitable and comforting (God help us when the 90's come back).
However. This is the first ever cut I am seriously considering taking it all off and starting over again. Styled, it looks ok. Non-styled? A four year old with a Flymo Strimmer (there's your 90's reference) would've done better.
"Grade 3 on the sides and an inch off the top". How can you mess that up? This is why I don't talk to hairdressers.
*Barbicide =a translucent blue disinfectant solution manufactured by King Research. I, however, would like it to also mean what it etymologically should - the murder of barbers. Especially when they have given you a bad cut. It may become a word that is father of the action. What justice is there for someone who takes a fringe too short? A bad bleach? A poor perm? A futile feathering? Ok, that went too far.
I've never been that interested in my own hair. I take the occasional glance at it and style it to any 80's or 90's convention that is currently en vogue. I was lucky enough to grow up in an era where style mattered less than substance (cheers, Thatcher). the 20/30 year cycle we have on fashion is both inevitable and comforting (God help us when the 90's come back).
However. This is the first ever cut I am seriously considering taking it all off and starting over again. Styled, it looks ok. Non-styled? A four year old with a Flymo Strimmer (there's your 90's reference) would've done better.
"Grade 3 on the sides and an inch off the top". How can you mess that up? This is why I don't talk to hairdressers.
*Barbicide =a translucent blue disinfectant solution manufactured by King Research. I, however, would like it to also mean what it etymologically should - the murder of barbers. Especially when they have given you a bad cut. It may become a word that is father of the action. What justice is there for someone who takes a fringe too short? A bad bleach? A poor perm? A futile feathering? Ok, that went too far.
Friday 27 September 2013
A special arrival...(addendum)
I just wanted to note that there were so many P's in the last post because it was P-ing down. Buh-dum Chi.
I'm available for birthdays, weddings and bar mitzvahs
I'm available for birthdays, weddings and bar mitzvahs
Thursday 19 September 2013
A special arrival...
I've waited a long time for this. I thought it would never happen. You hear people talk about theirs and think you would never be so lucky. When the conditions were right, however, I was finally blessed.
Yes, people, my first blister! Well, first since I started running again. I was happily surprised (and grateful) that I didn't experience any during my first Half. The weather, however, has stopped all of this. Yesterday's plod through puddles and periodic precipitation provided a perfect platform for pustule a la pied.
I've strapped it up and can now go about my business.
Yes, people, my first blister! Well, first since I started running again. I was happily surprised (and grateful) that I didn't experience any during my first Half. The weather, however, has stopped all of this. Yesterday's plod through puddles and periodic precipitation provided a perfect platform for pustule a la pied.
I've strapped it up and can now go about my business.
Tuesday 17 September 2013
Why we fight
A few words from Dorothy House for those of you unfamiliar with their work:
Every day, Dorothy House Hospice Care supports around 700 families affected by cancer, motor neurone disease and other life threatening conditions. It is the major charity providing free specialist nursing care at home for people with life-threatening illness over a 700-square-mile area including Bath, north and west Wiltshire and north east Somerset. Most of our care is provided in people’s own homes, as that is where the majority of our patients prefer to be. Short-term care, out-patient and day patient services are provided at the hospice in Winsley, near Bath. We also have two drop-in centres based in Trowbridge and Peasedown St.John, and are open to any member of the public for support and signposting services.
To make sure patients have the best possible quality of life, pain and symptom relief, respite for carers, emotional and spiritual support, and day patients sessions are all provided free of charge.
Providing such a comprehensive service is costly and Dorothy House Hospice Care receives only about 30 per cent of its funding from the NHS. No funding is received from Macmillan Cancer Support or other national charities. Most specialist nursing care in patients’ homes is funded by Dorothy House. This year, after NHS funding, more than £3 million – or £7,000 a day – must be raised to continue to provide services at the current level.
For more information about Dorothy House visit the website – www.dorothyhouse.co.uk
Every day, Dorothy House Hospice Care supports around 700 families affected by cancer, motor neurone disease and other life threatening conditions. It is the major charity providing free specialist nursing care at home for people with life-threatening illness over a 700-square-mile area including Bath, north and west Wiltshire and north east Somerset. Most of our care is provided in people’s own homes, as that is where the majority of our patients prefer to be. Short-term care, out-patient and day patient services are provided at the hospice in Winsley, near Bath. We also have two drop-in centres based in Trowbridge and Peasedown St.John, and are open to any member of the public for support and signposting services.
To make sure patients have the best possible quality of life, pain and symptom relief, respite for carers, emotional and spiritual support, and day patients sessions are all provided free of charge.
Providing such a comprehensive service is costly and Dorothy House Hospice Care receives only about 30 per cent of its funding from the NHS. No funding is received from Macmillan Cancer Support or other national charities. Most specialist nursing care in patients’ homes is funded by Dorothy House. This year, after NHS funding, more than £3 million – or £7,000 a day – must be raised to continue to provide services at the current level.
For more information about Dorothy House visit the website – www.dorothyhouse.co.uk
Thursday 12 September 2013
Who doesn't want just another 5 minutes in bed?
Who doesn't want just another 5 minutes in bed? When you want to get up early enough for a run who doesn't want an extra hour in bed? I have a plan (because consciousness should never be a bad thing and should be actively encouraged).
I have turned my laptop into my alarm clock. To wake me up I have a Youtube playlist consisting of the following:
- Survivor: Burning Heart. The name may not mean anything to you but it is the best song in Rocky 4 (Rocky 4 is the greatest of the Rocky films. The is no argument, not even a discussion ." I win for me, for ME!")
- Elbow: One day like this. This is the perfect track to feel generally uplifted. "So throw those curtains wide. One day like this'd see me right". The strings are beautiful.
- You're the best: Commuter. Again, you might not recognise the names but its the music from the competitions in The Karate Kid. Anyone in their 30's would understand these choices!
- Man up: Book of Mormon. Greatest musical ever (parental advisory). A musical written by the guys who write South Park and musically directed by Robert Lopez, the guy who did Avenue Q (the adult, musical version of Sesame Street). Youtube it. It is awesome and Man up is the complete 'musical' song.BTW I Believe is also great.
The question posed was "What makes a champion a great champion". Dougie "husky voiced" Anderson kicked off the answers with "consistency". It was a good, solid answer backed up with examples citing Phil Taylor, Nicklaus, Hendry and Navratilova.
Martin Kelner (Wish him well. His blog is awesome http://www.martinkelner.com/ ) then waged in with "class". Roger Federer was his noble example.
And now the meat. Bob Mills came in and disagreed with both consistency and class. He disagreed, in effect, with the system that made these great sportspeople great ("no-one came here for a lecture on communism").
The following gets me up in the morning, got me through many miles of the Thames Meander, will continue to get me through many other moments.
"There's one person I called champ and I shook his hand, said 'Hello, champ', and that's Lloyd Honeyghan.
because to me, a champ, is someone who gets ONE moment. He gets one chance and he GRASPS it.
Lloyd Honeyghan; he was a two-bob boxer, he's alright, he's a two-bob boxer and he went there and he saw Don Currie who was the best pound for pound fighter in the world and he thought 'TONIGHT, I'm gonna box your ears off, sunshine. And if NOTHING else ever happens to me in my life, tonight will be MY night. Tonight I WILL be the champion'.
And I think to most that's what a champion is. Yes, of course Arnold Palmer and consistency and class but just ONCE. Grabbing it. And saying 'Tonight, this is mine. I'll lose it tomorrow, but tonight, I'm the champion"
It loses something in my text transcript. Go to http://www.anton.co.uk/fighting/files/2010-05-22_Murray_Rawling,Mills,Anderson,Kelner_Champions_of_Champions.mp3
At about 20 mins in you'll get it. When you listen to it you'll understand. I well up and psyche up in equal quantities.
You may understand why I can get up early.
Sunday 8 September 2013
8 is my favourite number
I'm sorry. I will get bored with these stats at some point but I just googled "strategic vaseline". Number 8 on page one, baby!
This is the proudest moment of my blogging career and will only be superseded by someone actually reading it.
This is the proudest moment of my blogging career and will only be superseded by someone actually reading it.
A gentle reminder. Nice and friendly, like....(Note to self: text impressions of mobsters don't work)
http://www.justgiving.com/aaron-gilbert1. Dorothy House Hospice (team Dotty) is an awesome charity. Get involved.
I love all of you beautiful people.
I love all of you beautiful people.
Stats are good. The tears tell me they are good.
Stats, FYI
Views:
Views:
This is fantastic data. It may be as it is and I have this diverse readership. A popular following in the UK & US.
Do we believe that? No.
Bots, Proxys, idiots. All words that I wish I didn't know (especially idiots).
It is very liberating, though, (seriously) to have a journal that is available to everyone but viewed by no-one. You get to feel important, trepidous, humbled and cheap all at the same time. I am starting to understand The X-Factor.
Risen to the bottom pt2
Fighting Talk's decline (post Colin Murray) has continued today with the previously safe hands of Jonathan Pearce. For one who is so assured and erudite on the radio it seems his Kryptonite is a script. Dougie "2 answers" "3 answers" "4 answers" "Ando" Anderson looked decidedly annoyed/non-plussed by the whole affair (I was on the webcam like a true fan/geek/£"$^) . As he may say "michitie me, michitie me" (apologies for spelling).
It was strange. Jonathan Pearce clung to his script and his voice suggested he found no solace therein. The insecure, progressing redacting of the questions suggested he didn't want to be there. The true quality of the man came out, however, when, just after half time, they had a kickie-uppie comp. Pearce relaxed and gave his normal, assured and entertaining patter. Without a script the man is class. Good man!
I am a big fan of JP. I'll always remember one of his early C5 qoutes - "...the growler, the prowler; Robbie Fowler" many years ago (apparently 1997, according to Google). In fact, it is only second to (I think) Ray Stubbs on MOTD saying "His name's Karel and he's got long hair but Mister Poborsky's certainly Match of the Day's man of the day".
Like a football club manager I hope JP gets a chance. If he relaxes he could be great. I still miss the big CM., though. I'm grieving too much to listen to him on talkSPORT.
This was supposed to be a small post. Apologies.
It was strange. Jonathan Pearce clung to his script and his voice suggested he found no solace therein. The insecure, progressing redacting of the questions suggested he didn't want to be there. The true quality of the man came out, however, when, just after half time, they had a kickie-uppie comp. Pearce relaxed and gave his normal, assured and entertaining patter. Without a script the man is class. Good man!
I am a big fan of JP. I'll always remember one of his early C5 qoutes - "...the growler, the prowler; Robbie Fowler" many years ago (apparently 1997, according to Google). In fact, it is only second to (I think) Ray Stubbs on MOTD saying "His name's Karel and he's got long hair but Mister Poborsky's certainly Match of the Day's man of the day".
Like a football club manager I hope JP gets a chance. If he relaxes he could be great. I still miss the big CM., though. I'm grieving too much to listen to him on talkSPORT.
This was supposed to be a small post. Apologies.
Risen to the Bottom
Comic genius Adrian Edmondson has been named "Celebrity Masterchef". I will be suitably commemorating this by watching season 1 of Bottom. And may I say what a smashing blouse he had on?
Saturday 7 September 2013
Stock blog title #43
Hrmmm. I started out running having always hated distance running (and by distance I mean literally anything over 100 metres. In fact, I was a pretty good 100 metre runner and, as such, had massive ham thighs. Seriously).
I started my running to get back to football fitness. I think this is acheived although it has not necessarily improved my tekkers (although the volley I scored tonight would dispute that - bittersweet goal as I can no longer enact my Gareth Bale celebration).
Its funny (not funny, ha ha) because I'm kind of playing football now to give me a proper pace workout for my running. I understand that my fellow players would be laughing at the idea of me using the words 'pace' and 'football' when referring to my play but it is definitely faster than my normal running. Just remember, 2:36!!! I would hope, however, that none could deny that I can now put in a shift.
FYI My legs are getting back to looking awesome!
I started my running to get back to football fitness. I think this is acheived although it has not necessarily improved my tekkers (although the volley I scored tonight would dispute that - bittersweet goal as I can no longer enact my Gareth Bale celebration).
Its funny (not funny, ha ha) because I'm kind of playing football now to give me a proper pace workout for my running. I understand that my fellow players would be laughing at the idea of me using the words 'pace' and 'football' when referring to my play but it is definitely faster than my normal running. Just remember, 2:36!!! I would hope, however, that none could deny that I can now put in a shift.
FYI My legs are getting back to looking awesome!
Saturday 31 August 2013
International blogging permits
I have 2 views from South Korea! Yay! Please let me know who you are and what brought you to the site.
I also have 12 now from the Americans. I love you all. Please keep visiting!
I feel a little bit dirty that I am so aware of my visit stats. I should be running more.
I also have 12 now from the Americans. I love you all. Please keep visiting!
I feel a little bit dirty that I am so aware of my visit stats. I should be running more.
Its good to be back in the saddle. Did I say saddle? I meant harness
Although I have been active over the post-half week (swimming, bike and weights have been very prominent) last night was my first proper running type activity. A lovely game of 5-a-side in which a couple of defence-splitting passes meant I felt back to full fitness. It's strange. After only a relatively short period of full running training I have taken a necessary week off and really missed it. After 33 years of actively avoiding it it is a very strange feeling indeed!.
A proper run will be taken tomorrow. Not sure how long yet. If I can get 5 miles in followed by a swim I will be very happy
I had a genuine disappointment today. My favourite radio programme, Fighting Talk (anyone who likes sport, comedy panel shows, or both should check it out on Radio 5, Staurdays at 11:00) is now no longer hosted by Colin Murray! He has defected to Talksport! I am fully aware that none of you will have a clue what I'm talking about but still felt it was a point worth making.
A proper run will be taken tomorrow. Not sure how long yet. If I can get 5 miles in followed by a swim I will be very happy
I had a genuine disappointment today. My favourite radio programme, Fighting Talk (anyone who likes sport, comedy panel shows, or both should check it out on Radio 5, Staurdays at 11:00) is now no longer hosted by Colin Murray! He has defected to Talksport! I am fully aware that none of you will have a clue what I'm talking about but still felt it was a point worth making.
Friday 30 August 2013
defining demo-goguery
Ever since I started this site (a few hours ago) I have been fascinated with where the views have come from.
One of the first (if not the first) was from South Korea. Not sure why or how. Just glad it was south of the border.
I also have 4 from the good ole US of A. A couple of these may have been from the CIA (very tetchy!) but the others? Are people googling something like Stategic Vaseline? I'm not sure these are people I want to know. Only joking, you guys. I'm glad to have any visitors to the site.
I also got a visit from Russia. You guys are awesome (I don't want to p*ss the Russians off: Putin looks formidable in his page 3 shots and, like the Georgians, I know better than to annoy them)
One of the first (if not the first) was from South Korea. Not sure why or how. Just glad it was south of the border.
I also have 4 from the good ole US of A. A couple of these may have been from the CIA (very tetchy!) but the others? Are people googling something like Stategic Vaseline? I'm not sure these are people I want to know. Only joking, you guys. I'm glad to have any visitors to the site.
I also got a visit from Russia. You guys are awesome (I don't want to p*ss the Russians off: Putin looks formidable in his page 3 shots and, like the Georgians, I know better than to annoy them)
Intro (supplemental)
Results are out now on the Thames Meander website. Somehow they have spelled my name incorrectly. How is this possible? I have never spoken to them. I have only ever corresponded through email and I'm pretty confident that I've always spelled my own name correctly! Anyhoo 2:56 is the official time and now the time to beat. The winning time of 1:22 is just crazy. Well done to him.
Thursday 29 August 2013
Intro
I suppose the first post should be an introduction and explanation into what this blog is all about. It's also a good opportunity to get all of the formalities out of the way.
Hi. My name is Aaron. I'm 33 (although closer to 34 than I care to admit to myself) and live a very unspectacular life in an exceedingly unspectacular town. I work in a job that I love for a very unspectacular company and work with some very spectacular people. I'd love to tell you that I live at 29 Acacia Road or have a mate called Karate but it just wouldn't be true.
I'm trying, however, to do something very spectacular.
In November 2011 my mother lost her long battle with cancer. Dorothy House Hospice was an organisation who were very important in her care. They gave her respite and care when she needed it most and I want to do something to give back to them so they can keep doing their fantastic work. I know that cancer affects many of us and if I can do something for all of us (even if by proxy) then we will all be taking a step in the right direction.
I have started small and realistic. I completed my first half marathon on Saturday. This was a sort of tester event. A proof of concept. Results are not available for 2013 but, when they are, you will be able to see them at www.hermesrunning.com. SPOILER ALERT: I managed to finish in a very unrespectable time of 2:35 but, for those of you who don't know me I am a recovering big fat fatty. Check out my employee photo if you don't believe me!
I have now signed up for my second event - the Bournemouth BMF half marathon. This will be on 06/10/13. I'm sure there are places left if anyone wants to join me!!! I have attached this event to a JustGiving website and this is the reason for this blog, for the run etc. Please go to http://www.justgiving.com/aaron-gilbert1 I am also looking for ideas for what to do next. The natural step is to do the full marathon and I have my eye on one at the end of the year. I'm looking, though, for new and novel/torturous ideas for future fundraising events. Each suggestion will be taken with the same amount of gravity/number of salt pinches
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